This is for us

Our baby boy that hasn't made his blog debut turns one on Thursday. This, encouragement from my husband, and a gut wrenching experience proving just how quickly everything *possessions* can be lost has caused me to return to this space as our family's historian.

I don't want to record facts in this space about my kids heights, weights, and grades. I don't want to justify our lifestyle or pursuade anyone to raise their kids similarly. In fact, part of the reason I stopped writing here was for that very reason. If having four kids has taught me anything, it's that there really isn't a right answer for any of this. Things I thought I would never do or always do have been lost in the responsibility of meeting four little individual people's needs while maintaining some semblance of sanity and a healthy marriage. The older my kids get and the more years of being a mother I experience, I see flaws along the way how things could have been better for all of us if I had let go of what I thought I should be doing or what everyone expected me to do, and just did what worked.

This summer is a first for our family. We've now experienced what school does to a child, their siblings, and their mother and just how sweet the return of everyday, all day, family life is for all of us. For the first time in our family's life, we aren't waiting to see who will complete our family. This is us and I know I am experiencing things for the last time with Sol. Even typing that wells my eyes. I honestly cannot say that I will get to be home with him everyday until he starts school like I was with Lucy. Our family needs are changing and I want to be flexible. For the first time in 7 years, I am thinking about my career again and the "what's next" of my life after tiny babies.

For me, this space is a place where I get to step back from the ALL-ness of being home with 4 kids and see what stood out as memorable. I have spent every.single.day. of my kids life with them. I'm not bragging. There are times I shouldn't have. Times I should have forced myself to get help in caring for them and, in turn, me. But what the never ending ALL-ness has taught me, is that I still forget. I look at pictures of the girls and don't even remember the days when their hair fell that way. I certainly can't remember all the hilarious and inappropriate things they have said and how exactly did we spend all of those seemingly endless days of just being home? 

So I hope to be back here regularly, a place to record and release. There are stories I definitely want to share, like that time I had a baby in our playroom, and hopefully our craziness will help your life seem a littler more normal, or at least give you a good laugh. Our story is quite literally an open book and if you drive by and see the lanterns lit on the porch, grab a beer and meet us out back for a bonfire.