3 under 4

Every. Single. Day. Anywhere we go. Total strangers. "How do you do it?" "Better you than me" "Oh you're a saint" And my favorite, "I'll pray for you tonight."

Yes, they are all girls. No, they are not twins. Yes, they are all under 4. No, I don't care that we don't have a boy, and neither does my husband. I don't know when/ if we will have another but not right now, and again, no. We are not "trying for a boy."

I understand people are curious and we are quite a spectacle, especially when attention is demanded from a temper tantrum throwing toddler, or two. Sometimes I do feel like I should apologize to people in the grocery store/ library/ Target/ everywhere when someone is not behaving. But, you get to leave! All jokes aside, this is our life. It is one that was built. Not thrown at us like something out of our control. We always wanted at least 3 kids. And, quite honestly, we know how we got ourselves in this situation. I wouldn't change any of it. Yes, there are days when I don't know how I will make it to lunch, let alone bedtime. But I think even moms with one child feel that way some days. When we first brought Hazel home it all seemed manageable. Sure, there was more laundry and sometimes I would have to sit down to nurse or comfort her but she slept all the time. Then two weeks hit, James went back to work, and I was largely outnumbered. I was totally overwhelmed and taking it minute by minute.

Three months later, it's still overwhelming! But we have learned A LOT about not just surviving but thriving as a family of 5. The main lessons I learned were keep it simple and to just go with the flow. I decided to skip Christmas cards this year. The stress of getting a picture of all 3 of them, getting to the post office for stamps, and finding the time to address them all just was not a priority to me. After all, this is how an attempt at a Thanksgiving photo went... Wait, one is missing!

Keep it simple. My house is no where near as clean as I would like, or organized. But if I can get from room to room and know that all it takes is a good 15 minutes to whip it into a presentable state, I have to let it go.

One of the most challenging parts of having 3 kids this young is discipline. It is extremely hard to deal with a temper tantrum, in public, with a baby strapped to your chest and another preschooler holding your hand. Because honestly, you spend enough time getting everyone dressed, in their car seats, and into the store, to call it quits because of bad behavior. Discipline is hard, and there are a million theories of the right way to do it. And every child has their unique needs that require something different of us. My mom gave me a piece of advice I lean on daily lately, as she raised four kids of her own. In choosing when/ how to discipline, decide if it is a heart issue. (She also said that if she had dog s#$% on a plate, one of us would want a bite. Truer words have never been spoken) Heart issues. If one of the girls is doing something to hurt someone else, physically or emotionally, it is going to be dealt with immediately. If they do something out of spite, it's not going to be let go. Not telling the truth is not going to happen. But, if they make a mess or have a spill, I have taught them to just clean it up. Everyone spills and makes a mess sometimes. And when it comes to getting dressed, rain boots are totally acceptable 90% of the time now.

Sleep is another killer. Surprisingly, Hazel is not an issue. That little one can be laid down for nap and will put herself to sleep. She will sleep from 10-5 in her crib at night. Lucy has resolved her sleep issues and will nap and sleep through the night regularly. Vada, however, has different needs. She does not want to be alone in her room to sleep, nap or night. Since August, she has been fighting every nap time and waking up 2-34761346 times a night wanting to come upstairs and sleep in our bedroom. For months we fought it. I would spend 45 minutes trying to get 1 of 3 girls to nap only to have her sleep for 20 minutes, And since I had a nursing newborn, James would be getting up 5-6 times a night to put her back in her room. Then, we gave up. And everyone was happier. She started napping in my bed, and slept for 2 plus hours. She would not wake up screaming anymore and waking the entire household in the process. At night, she learned to very quietly come upstairs, grab a pillow and a blanket and pass out next to the bed. No one else was woken, no trying 37 different attempts at convincing her to stay in bed, and more rest for everyone. Since then, we talked to her about sharing a room with Lucy and if that would make her feel more secure. So, last night we made her a bed in Lucy's room, and she stayed there! She woke up twice. Once to try to climb in bed with Lucy, which is not happening as Lucy made known. And another because she forgot where she was. This morning we moved her bed frame into Lucy's room and hopefully we have resolved the issue. Although, now it's nap time and she wanted to sleep in her tent, so who knows! We're rolling with it. And now we have two playrooms.

The days are long but the years are short. We are working things out and making memories every day. Seeing how close Lucy and Vada have gotten recently makes the 16 month age gap seem like a blessing. And as Hazel starts interacting more with her older sisters, I realize that no matter how stressful this stage in our life is, we have given each of our girls the very best thing we ever could have in each other. Having three girls in 3 and a half years may drive us crazy, but they have each other. So yes, 3, 2 and 3 months is rough. But I have a feeling when 17, 16 and 14 rolls around, we still won't be sleeping.

Hazel at 3 Months

My sweet, chunky ball of smiles is 3 months old. When I was pregnant with Hazel, James and I had hoped and prayed that at least one of our children would be laid back and sleep well. Hazel is our answer to, so many, prayers.

She is always happy. She smiles anytime someone speaks to her or smiles at her. She sits contentedly in her bumbo for extended periods of time and only lets out a small whine when she wants to be held. She is content with anyone who holds her. She sleeps from 10-5, in her crib! I am able to lay her down in one of the girls' beds and she just falls asleep. It is a whole new world for this family! Last night I missed her sleeping with me so I brought her to bed when I laid down. She slept horribly, so I did too.

She has really started talking a lot and makes lots of "ohhhhs" or "mummmms" when she's hungry or sleepy. We are convinced she is days from belly laughing because sometimes she looks like shes going to split wide open her smile is so big. She will squeal when she's excited and sound like she is trying to catch her breath when you tickle her. She is JOY.

She watches us intently and tries to get people's attention when they are near her. She loves the moby, LOVES it. Whether I am grocery shopping, pushing the girls in the swing, baking cookies, or cleaning the house, this little one likes to be on my chest. She has a ball in the bathtub and doesn't mind a shower.

She is growing up too fast and already does not like being laid on her playmat or reclined in her swing. She holds her head up perfectly and is starting to use her hands, most notably when she is nursing.

Her face is changing quickly and I can't decide what color her eyes are going to be. Her hair still looks dark. She has an upper lip like Vada which we cannot figure out where that fullness came from. She hasn't been officially measured since we haven't been to the doctor since she was 2 weeks old, but the kitchen scale is inching close to 18 pounds. She wears 9 month sleepers because she is so tall, ok and because she is chunky :)

She is definitely a Mama's girl at times and I am perfectly fine with it! James tried a bottle one time which didn't go over so well. Some times when she seems fussy all she needs is a snuggle from me and she passes right out.

 I am totally smitten with her and could watch her smile all day. She has reminded me why I love this little baby stage so much and evens give me baby fever, then her sisters wake up and it quickly passes. She has outgrown so many clothes already and even though most of them have now been worn by all 3 of our girls, I cannot help but cry as I pack them away. I suppose I will always have a hard time moving on to the next stage, knowing how quickly they grow into who they are and leaving the days of quiet observation and snuggling behind. If her temperament remains even close to what it is now, we are in for a beautiful little girl.

Hazel at 2 Months

Miss Hazel Magnolia is now two months old. She has followed a similar path as her sisters and become quite the plump little lady. I packed up more clothes just this past weekend, saying goodbye to the sweet, tiny clothes of 3 months and moving to 6. Other than eating, she smiles and has started talking to us, as long as she is being held. She does not want to be put down for one minute and is happiest in Mama's arms. The swing and playmat are not her friends so she spends a large portion of the day hanging out in the moby wrap on my chest. She snuggles with her big sisters and Lucy has become quite the pro at getting her to sleep for a nap. She still sleeps like a dream at night, on my side of course, and is only waking up once to eat.

Hazel is extremely sensitive to what I eat and especially to caffeine. She absolutely loves bath time, especially when I can get in with her and hold her head while she floats.

 

 

Hazel, you are definitely a Mama's girl at this point in your life and I would not have it any other way. As my third daughter, you are no less wonder-full to me as your sisters and continue to teach me new things about both myself and yourself each day. You, more than the others, are teaching me to slow down and accept our new pace. Seeing you grow so quickly is bittersweet as I say goodbye to the sleepy newborn of the first weeks and anticipate who you will become. I love you sweet girl.



Nothing about Halloween

It is Halloween. This post has absolutely nothing to do with wishing Happy Halloweens, what the girls are dressing as, or what our plans are. Sorry for those who love this holiday.

We are 7 weeks into being a family of 5. I am blessed beyond measure and completely overwhelmed. We have not found a "groove" and most days just getting the girls dressed fed, dishes clean, and laundry done is monumental. Showers, errands, cleaning are all bonuses.

Lately I have been feeling a lot of guilt for how things are going. I know all moms feel guilt for one reason or another and I so wish we could all just take a deep breath, pat ourselves on the back and keep at it. Some days the only thing that runs through my head is "just keep swimming." So that is what I do. Some days move us forward and others it is just to keep our head above water.

Things like Halloween only add to the mom guilt for me. Which is ridiculous. My kids have very little expectations of me and are thrilled to be dressing up in their store bought costumes and heading out to trick or treat for the first time in their lives. But I have pinterest. And facebook. And instagram. And so many of the other measures we use to judge where we fall in comparison. Back when Hazel was a newborn and slept 23.5 hours of the day I had planned to have a small party at our house after trick or treating. But I am not. And I feel guilty. For a party that was never even a real plan but an idea that I "should" have something. Hormones be damned.

I am definitely being taught some hard lessons as a new mom to 3, all under 4. I am learning the beauty in simplicity. I am being reminded I am so not in control. I am learning not to compare myself to anyone because everyone's situation is different. I have become a homebody with 2 kids who love it and 1 who asks every morning where are we going that day.

So, today, Halloween, I want to encourage all the moms. The ones who seem to have it all together, well done. I know how hard holidays are and I hope you feel a sense of accomplishment in getting your kids costumed, to a party, in making crafty snacks, in decorating your house or anything else you managed to pull off while doing the hardest job in the world. Take those pictures and show it off!To the moms who don't have anything together, I am with you. I managed one uncarved pumpkin, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich lunch, and three store bought costumes for Halloween. Take a picture and show it off! At the end of the day, we all will reach for the glass of wine, out of exhaustion for being a supermom or just relief it is over. The kids will have a ball regardless and after all, Christmas is only 55 days away ;)

Hazel Magnolia, One Month Old

It happened just like that. One minute I am holding my newborn baby admiring how tiny every little part of her is. The next, I am rushing three kids out the door to a hearing screening. But wait. In that rush, I took off the newborn gown that all three of my girls wore and is my most favorite thing to snuggle them in. The night before when I dressed Hazel in that gown I knew it would be the last time. I told myself to take a picture in the morning, just like I had with Lucy and Vada. But off it went in the hurried few minutes before jumping in the car.

Hazel Magnolia is one month old. Already. There are pictures, thank God. But this is the first time I have taken? let myself? made myself? sit down and write about her.

She is peace. She is beautiful. She has fulfilled this family in a way I could only dream of. She has restored me in a very broken and damaged place. She smiles, no really, all the time. She loves my horrible voice and falling asleep on her daddy's chest. She lays on my chest as I type this and soothes my weary soul.

Hazel was born on Sunday, September 7 around 7:30pm. She weighed 6 pounds and 12 ounces and measured 19 inches tall. The slow, long, 10+ hour labor was nothing like I had anticipated it being. I thought she would come quickly. Did she prove me wrong. I went from contractions every 5ish minutes from 10am to noon to nothing considerable or regular until 6pm that night. I willed my way and she would not have it. James watched Top Gun on the couch at the birthing center while I walked laps and side squatted stairs to exhaustion. I remember telling the midwife at one point that I came to have a baby, not to exercise. I progressed slowly throughout the afternoon and was offered assistance in the way of breaking my water and homeopathic medication. I finally was getting uncomfortable around 6:30 and asked to get in the whirlpool tub. I finally relaxed and let go of trying to control the situation. That did the trick. One hour later, Hazel was born in the water and placed directly on my chest. I was able to cut her cord, a first for me. We stayed at the birth center until midnight then took our precious third daughter home.

Hazel slept the deepest sleep I have ever witnessed for the first two weeks of her life. It scared the shit out of me. I would have to undress her and stand under the fan to wake her enough to eat. James would play with her lips and she would just tuck them in and keep sleeping. I finally relaxed in the knowledge that she wasn't even due for 15 days from her birthday and if she was still inside then she would likely be doing the same thing. At her 2 week check up she weighed over 8 pounds so I knew she was at least growing.

Hazel still sleeps beautifully at night. We wake up twice to nurse. She usually has a few hours of wakefulness in the morning then passes out in the early afternoon for a long nap stretch, waking for a couple of hours before bed. When she is awake, as long as she is held, she is content.

Lucy and Vada are completely in love with her. They argue over holding her, remark at her tiny toes and fingers, and shower her with kisses all hours of the day. Lucy told me she missed Hazel when she was in my belly and sings "Here Comes the Sun" when she holds her. She calls herself "the big, big sister." Vada likes to tell me every time she starts to fuss and always says "I kiss the baby." She pronounces her name like Hasewl and it melts my heart. They have absolutely no concept of personal space, especially when she nurses.

We are far from in a groove but we are over the moon happy. The days are chaotic, messy, noisy, and beautiful and I will miss them when this season ends.

"There are moments that I know I will long for, even as I live them."

 

 

 

*Photos by dKin photography... thanks Ashley!



To Vada Belle, on your second birthday

My little firecracker. You are a walking force of attitude, humor, and facial expressions. People comment often on how much personality you have without ever having met you or spoken to you. They have no idea. You are more determined than most 30 year olds and have the most independence that far surpasses your two years. On the flip side, you make everyone who knows you crack up with your sarcastic facial expressions and general goofiness. Daddy and I think you may perform on SNL one day, a deadly combination of humor, beauty, and don't mess with me attitude. As hard as it is to parent you some days, I know that one day in the future these will be a blessing as no one will be able to persuade you away from what you want. You have become a total Daddy's girl despite your ability to make him more frustrated than anyone else can. You wake up in the night calling for him and ask every single morning where he is on days he works.
You love to share food, but not toys. You are the best mommy to all of your babies which are by far your favorite play thing. You love to wear rain boots, and not much else, and can go from fully clothed to naked faster than I can turn around. You are potty trained, but don't like to tell us when you go, asking us to leave you alone and saying you can do it yourself. Your absolute favorite food is ice cream with cherry tomatoes a close second.  You have already started stringing together letters of the alphabet and singing the words to Jesus Loves Me. You and Lucy are beyond close and just this morning you woke up and climbed in bed with her before coming to look for me. I know becoming a big sister in a few weeks will be a big adjustment for you but I am fully confident you will embrace it fully. You already talk to your baby sister and give her kisses and try to feed her through my belly button. You ask me if she's kicking and reserve toys you know she will like to play with.
Your vocabulary is absolutely insane for your age and you interact with people like you are twice the age you are. I think that is why Daddy and I didn't have such a hard time with you turning two because you already act far older. We are not pushing you to grow up though because the rare times you do sit still you are such a loving little thing. I still get to rock you to sleep for naps but bed time is reserved for daddy and you always like to point out the book that you and daddy read the night before.
You are such a joy in our lives, Vada Belle, and we consider it an honor to be your parents. Watching you everyday, there is never a dull moment and we live for the next laugh or display of attitude. You are going to conquer the world, and we will be there with you, just trying to keep you clothed.

34 Weeks

I was trying to come up with a clever title for this post but nothing worked. Yes, I have already completed 34 weeks of this pregnancy and only have 6ish more to go. But seriously, SIX MORE! I am convinced this little woman will be late but also have in the back of my mind that both Lucy and Vada came early so maybe I don't have another six full weeks. We are in full blown pregnancy symptom mode over here. Horrendous heartburn for the first time ever, waddling when I walk, rib pain, hip pain, pressure, exhaustion, clothes fitting one day and not the next, etc. It is so easy to get down on myself and what little I can accomplish anymore but I still feel absolutely blessed to be carrying another little girl. This little lady gets the hiccups several times a day, stretches those limbs out on both sides of my belly at once, and I am pretty sure is packing on the pounds rather quickly. James and I both feel like we can really feel a little body instead of just movement. I still love feeling her move around and I can't help but picture the way things will be as a family of 5. I have a few things left to do before her arrival, wash the car seat, assemble the swing, pack our bag, but I am holding off until September so I feel like we still have things to do besides wait. Lucy is already giving people instructions on what is acceptable around the baby and has told me where she will go when the time comes to deliver. Vada has really started showing more interest and will kiss my belly and say hi baby, as well as try to feed her things through my belly button. Baby girl has no idea what she is in for... more attention, love, touching, and general lack of personal space that any baby has ever seen. And I cannot wait for it all.

The Big 3-0

There are baby girl and I right at the 30 week mark. In the background, a ready and waiting crib. In the past few weeks, we have gotten a lot of things checked off the "before baby" list. Big things like move Vada to a big girl bed, check! Rearrange the upstairs to make room for the crib and dresser, check! Potty train Vada, check! The last big amazon order came in last week to finish off the changing pad, crib, and bath tub. Her clothes are washed, folded, and put away. And now we wait.

I don't think anyone is as anxious for Miss Hunter's arrival than Lucy. She asks every, single day if the baby is going to come out today. Last week she said, "It takes so long. I don't want to wait anymore." Yes, I hear you Lu. Vada has finally started making some acknowledgements of the baby and will lay down and kiss my belly throughout the day. Thankfully, baby and I are both healthy and growing and got the news last week that she is head down and in proper positioning for her eventual exit. Although the third trimester has brought with it total exhaustion, I am happy to say that in general I feel pretty good. At this point with Vada I was making weekly chiropractor visits and not exercising at all. This time around, no chiropractor and up until a week ago, was still practicing pilates. The contractions rage on daily and her movements are getting more and more frequent and strong, to put it nicely. She has a fairly predictable schedule of being awake when the girls are sleeping, usually at nap time and always after they are in bed.

James is preparing for baby girl much like he did for the other two, by starting a huge home project. With Lucy, he began her nursery at around 34 weeks, by ripping out all the drywall in the room and starting fresh. With Vada, it was our bedroom with the same process at 30 weeks. This time, he demolished the old garage at 29 weeks and is working on beginning construction of a new one. Nesting is a funny thing.

The mom guilt is really starting to press in hard as I get larger and have less and less energy, especially in this heat. Playing outside most days is just not an option unless we do early mornings or late evenings. I am trying to keep us booked with play dates, library events, and as many chances to be in water as possible. The girls start swim lessons in two weeks and I am so excited for this opportunity for them, as well as the chance to be in a pool at least once a week! Vacation is in three weeks and we are all anxious for a week at the beach. Both girls love the beach and I am so looking forward to the simple entertainment it will provide us all. Trying to give the girls opportunities to enjoy summer and the last few weeks as a family of 4 is a huge priority these days.

I have set a few personal goals for the last ten-ish weeks of this pregnancy since most other preparations are done. I really want to enjoy this time. I think it is a blessing in disguise to be due at the end of summer so I can still do things with the girls through September without worrying about a baby being in the heat. I am trying to embrace not being able to do my hair because of hot flashes and wearing a bikini without worrying about what my stomach looks like. I always thought I would be uncomfortable wearing a bikini while hugely pregnant but pulling a one piece up over this belly is far more uncomfortable. I love when James rubs my belly and all the "interesting" questions Lucy can come up with about delivery ("can I help the midwife catch the baby when it comes out of your v_____?") I am finding joy in the little things, like finding a ring I can wear as a wedding band, a pair of shorts that actually fit, and this recipe for salted caramel ice cream.

So close, yet so far away.

Catching Up

It has been awhile since I have stopped to take stock of where our family currently is. I am missing spending quality time with friends lately and just catching up to know what is going on in their lives and sharing what is happening in ours. Plus, I always love going back and reading what the girls were doing or getting in to at certain points. So, in my mind I'm having a little date with a best friend I am missing and filling them in. Grab a cup of coffee, as for me, Talenti Salted Caramel Gelato it is.

Last weekend we had the most beautiful baby sprinkle held for our family. The outpouring of love, support and excitement over baby girl was indescribable. Not to mention all the ways the girls were included in the party and getting some new little things of their own. Obviously James and I are over the moon excited to meet our next daughter but seeing our family and closest friends share in that joy left me speechless.

Speaking of little miss, we are currently 27.5 weeks deep, into the third trimester. I honestly thought this pregnancy would fly by. It's not. The weeks are slowly creeping by and I cannot let myself think about the fact that we still have 3 more months. I think we have both hit a growth spurt in the last couple of weeks and I know feel like there is an actual baby body in my belly that does not appreciate her big sisters leaning on her. She is most active at night and likes to turn her back/bum out to make one side of my belly super hard and uncomfortable. I have been having Braxton hicks contractions every day and sometimes they stop me in my tracks to breathe through. Yet, I still look forward to going through labor and delivery again. I am having the strongest nesting needs even though we will not be doing a nursery for this little lady.

I have been on a serious no-meat kick and luckily our overflowing abundance of fresh vegetables is making preparing meals around that easy for me. It's nice to get out of the usual groove of meals and start experimenting with new foods and recipes. Last night was sweet potato, black bean burritos which were delicious in my book. That and rainbow chard fritters have been my favorite concoctions lately.

I have really started delving into the world of preschool at home for the girls. Lucy is showing a ton of interest in letters and numbers so there has been a lot of researching going on. Since she will not be attending preschool in the fall, I am putting a lot of responsibility on myself to make sure she is getting what she needs and wants from me. With baby girl due in September, I am trying to get a handle on what a daily activity/ lesson plan may look like. I am adopting a lot of Montessori principles and activities because I have seen success with those in the past with her. Vada is starting to notice color and identify animals so I will be doing some different things with her as well. The amazon wish list is filling up! Arranging swim lessons is next up on the to-do list.

Lucy is turning into such a little girl lately, no more baby in her. She will get her own breakfast, dress herself, brush her teeth, and tell everyone else what to do in the meantime. Her knack for directions is uncanny and she picks up on every little detail of any situation. Her memory is insane and she will ask me things about stuff we did last year or longer with surprising detail. She could not be more excited about her baby sisters arrival and telling me what she plans to do and teach her. She is wise beyond her years and has the most joy around her friends and family that, although overwhelming at times, is contagious.

Vada is a tiny tornado. She is rough and tumble, never sits still, and moves a million miles a minute. She is talking up a storm and has no problem telling you what she needs or when she has been wronged. Mornings have been rough for her lately but after nap she is happy as can be. She is a total goofball and loves to make people laugh. She is obsessed with baby dolls and does a surprisingly good job of taking care of them. She is now dressing herself too and has been potty trained for over about two months. She still loves to be held and loved by her Mama but has become more and more of a Daddy's girl as she gets older. Every morning she asks if he is home and anytime she hears the door she screams "Daddy's home!" Seeing her interact with her smaller cousins makes me think she may not have as hard of an adjustment to being a big sister as we fear. She is only one month away from her 2nd birthday which she refuses to talk about.

 

As June draws to an end we have a lot to look forward to in the coming weeks, hopefully making time pass quickly. We had an impromptu beach day last week and the whole family is itching for our beach vacation the first week of August. Counting down the days until we are a family of 5...

Me and My Girl

It finally feels real. 23 weeks deep and I am so in love with this little lady. Something in the last couple of weeks has finally clicked and I am now picturing the baby girl growing inside my belly. Her movement has really picked up which is no less amazing this time around than the first. James feels her move almost every night and Lucy got to feel a kick while I was rocking her one day. She has asked to feel it again every day since. She also comes up to me throughout the day and puts her hand on my belly and says, "I love her."
We decided on her name and I am so afraid of blurting it out when I am around our family and friends because she already seems to be THAT. Picking up an outfit here or there and choosing swings, bedding and blankets... she is on her way.
A friend of ours took some maternity photos for us last weekend. They turned out beautifully and although some will not be shared, I could not help but get tears in my eyes as I saw how this baby is changing my body. I absolutely love being pregnant, despite the swelling, discomfort, and inability to get dressed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love you little one.

 

 

This Man turns 28

Happy Birthday, you stud you

Half way to meeting our little lady

Little Miss Hunter, our third beautiful baby girl. Thanks for being so cooperative during the ultrasound. You must have really wanted to let us know who you were. You checked out perfectly and surprised no one with being a little lady. Hopefully, your low heart rate and general lack of movement mean you are taking a little more after your mama and daddy than your two older sisters. A relaxed, laid back baby would be a welcome change, sweets. So, we had a little party on your behalf with your grandparents and some of your cousins and aunt and uncle. When I really think about it, it is kind of weird to have a party about someone's lady parts. First and last my dear. I am having fun looking for some clothes for you that are not obnoxiously girly. I have about had my fill of neon pink baby clothes. We bought you a few things over the weekend and I am getting excited to see you in them. My favorite purchase, as with your sisters, was your baby blanket. I put a lot of thought into those, for some reason, so I hope you like it as much as Daddy and I do. You really are pretty easy on Mama for the most part these days. I have had to stop worrying about how little you move in there and just enjoy only being punched and climbed on from the outside for now. The midwives let me know I have an anterior placenta so that is acting like a cushion between you and my belly. You went almost two weeks only moving a handful of times that I could feel but I am trusting you are growing well. I know one thing, you are making me TIRED. Good gracious, I think you would be happy if all I did was sleep. I am sleeping plenty at night but I am dragging through every day lately. Daddy says I look out of it 90% of the time lately. The only other thing I can contribute to you is my need for spicy food, which cannot be satisfied. I don't know what to give you to turn this off but I am not even phased lately by the spiciest of foods Daddy and I can come up with. You also are demanding I eat vegetables but not much else. Bowls full of broccoli? Really? This is definitely the first time in my life I have to remember to eat enough. Your sisters are becoming more and more interested in you as my belly grows, Lucy especially. She talks to you and about you everyday and is eagerly awaiting the day you give her a good kick. Mama is feeling an immense amount of responsibility as the reality of having three little women is settling in. Trying to be the best example of what a woman, wife and mother should be is a daily challenge to me as I know you all will be watching me to learn both what to do and what not to do. From the clothes I wear to the words I choose I am constantly on observation by three of the most important people in my life. I know I am shaping you into who you will be even as you are growing in my belly and I both fear and anticipate continuing to do so as you and your sisters grow. You are loved, you are loved, you are loved little one. I will be dreaming of you until I see your precious face.

Protected

Sweetest baby,
    You are so loved. You are worrying your mama sick these last couple of days. The last real "oh, that's baby!" move was three days ago and I have been trying everything to get you to give me a roll or nudge or something in the days since. Of course, I have read a ton about you and it seems lots of babes slow down about this time and rest up during a growth spurt. You have a couple more days of leisure than its high time to start reminding me you are ok in there. You see, baby, this family is already so very attached to you, as if you are already here. Your Daddy has felt you move twice in the last week and has already started rubbing Mama's belly for all the stretching your growing results in. He holds you at night while we sleep and talks about all the little baby things he can't wait to experience with you. Lucy talks to you, lays on you, and pushes you around in there every day. She tells me how much she loves you and has already asked to help with diaper changes and even offered you her baby doll this morning, big deal little one. Yesterday she brought your piggy bank upstairs to Mama and Daddy's room because she knows you will sleep with us. She is looking forward to sitting next to you in the car and feeding you bottles when Mama and Daddy go on dates. You will forever be taken care in your big sister.

 Vada is the one constantly kneeing or elbowing you. She has one time said that you are a baby boy and your name will be Otis. Speaking of Otis, he's looking out for you too. He rarely leaves Mama's side all day, which is what those quick, almost-trips are from you may feel in there. When Mama lays down to rest he is right beside the bed, ignoring his own bed a few feet away.

   I read your sisters a book that starts with the line "I wanted you more than you ever will know so I sent love to follow wherever you go." I think of you every time. You are the baby we prayed so hard for. TThe one we are not taking a single day for granted. Maybe that's why I am pressuring you to move. I need your reminders. I need the reassurance of your presence and constant growth.

Baby #3 update

Here we are between 17 and 18 weeks. I have a felt some movement in the past week and a half but it's feeling more like waves of movement than specific kicks or punches. Yes, I am actually looking forward to those :) We had a midwife appointment on Monday and baby's heartbeat was 140 (for anyone wondering, the girls were always always 160, not that it changes my mind) and we both checked out well. Not sure how I am measuring because the midwife made my week/ pregnancy/ life by saying I had abs of steel and she couldn't feel where my uterus was. Score for a mom of three! See, pilates does make a difference people! More exciting, however, was scheduling our anatomy scan for April 29, only a week and a half more!!! I still am convinced baby is a girl, as does Lucy, but James and the midwife seem to think boy. Whomever is in there is getting on a nerve, literally. I woke up one day last week with a completely numb left foot and a few days later had the same thing all down my right leg and into my foot. Stretching and pilates definitely seem to be helping and although I tried a chiropractor when I was pregnant with Vada, it hasn't gotten to that point yet. The hormones are in full swing and I am blaming my highly emotional state on baby's growth spurt that happens between 16 and 20 weeks. In better news, I now wake up feeling rested in the morning which is a true blessing. Now if we could just get the skin issues to clear up...
  Everyone in this family is so excited to be adding the next member. Lucy is already super attached to the baby and lays on my belly trying to hear something almost every day. The other day I told her I loved her so much and she said well I love the baby so much. Vada has been lifting up her shirt and saying "In here" whenever we ask her where the baby is. We have settled on names both for a boy or girl and are eagerly awaiting next Tuesday.
  I am now in the wonderfully "manageable" stage of pregnancy where my bump is the perfect size and I only get really uncomfortable right about the time the girls go down for bed. I am loving being pregnant, as always, and look forward to the next big moments of kicks and rolls and finding out just who is in there. For now, we'll all look forward to Easter weekend and a much needed mini vacation to the beach next weekend :)

15 Weeks with #3

This is the first blog post I have written about baby #3. I have recorded a few things personally but putting this out there for the world, this is a first. See, even though it's our 3rd baby, it's all new this time around. It's a fourth pregnancy. It's our rainbow baby. It's realizing the true miracle and fragility of it all and how quickly and without warning it can be taken away. It's setting numerous milestones and passing each one. It's not taking a single day, or symptom, for granted. It's allowing myself to become connected to this baby.
The first trimester was rough; physically and emotionally. I was sick 24 hours a day from 7-9ish weeks and still sick at some point of the day until week 15. I was exhausted, that has not stopped. I was worried every second of every day and can admit I did not let myself get to excited or attached. We made it to week 13. Then got a phone call. I had tested positive for Factor 5 Leiden, a genetic blood disorder. I was being sent to a maternal and fetal specialist in the next few days. The fact that I had already grown and delivered Lucy and Vada perfectly gave me little comfort, because one I had not. The appointment consisted of an extensive ultrasound which showed a perfectly proportioned, healthy, beautiful baby. The doctor told me to do nothing differently.

So here we are. Two weeks into the second trimester and growing by the day. I am completely exhausted by the end of the day but I blame that as much on the older two than baby. Some days I cannot get enough to eat and others I only eat at meal times. I have had to ask for help from James in stopping the sour patch bites addiction but allow myself as much spicy food as I can consume. I feel like my belly is HUGE but am not complaining one bit about that. I keep wondering why a baby the size of an apple needs room the size of a basketball. I feel very lucky to not have too many aches and pains yet and pilates seems to be helping most that I do experience. James and I have picked out the boy name for sure and are back and forth on a couple of girls names. I think baby is a girl, as does Lucy, but James thinks boy. We should be finding out in the next few weeks. This baby will be delivered at Special Beginnings birth center which I am really excited about. I feel completely at ease there and look forward to being in the most home-like setting covered by insurance. Unfortunately, home births are not.
This week I am most looking forward to finally feeling the baby move and starting to research some things that we will need to buy to prepare for this baby. Some things just don't make it to a third baby I have learned. All for now!