A Morning with my Belle

 I could have come home after taking Lucy to a friends and done laundry, or cleaned, or the endless other undones laying around the house. Vada would have been fine to play on the floor as I picked up toys that not three hours later would be back out of place or clean the kitchen that as I write this needs yet again to be cleaned again. But... I didn't.

  We walked around one of my favorite of all towns. Her wrapped against my front, pom-pom of her hat in my face, coffee in hand, just the two of us as it never is. She looked out of her mama-vada coccoon and took it all in, alternating between squealing with delight and humming her pre-sleep song to me. And, of course, gave her tight lipped, face consuming, eye squinting smile to anyone everyone who we spoke to. Then she snuggled into me as she hid her face; again, that little secret she only shares with me. We caught the simultaneously amazing and offending smell of the church fish fry beginning in the street behind the church. We shopped for things we knew we wouldn't buy. We talked to the dog in the back of the truck parked along the street. For the morning, we acted like she was my only.

 I had packed my camera. It stayed in the car. The morning was ours. Our little secret.

To Lucy, On Your Second Birthday

There is so much I would want you to know; how you are now is so apparently who you are meant to be so I want you to know how Daddy and Mama know you at this point. In case, someday, you ever wonder or second guess yourself. To see how the people who love you most will always remember you from your beginning.

    There really are no accurate words to describe you, since every word that comes to mind you are both that and the opposite. You see, you are not the typical 2 year old. I know, every mother thinks their child is special and unique, but you have no idea. Just last week, I opened the cabinet and let you pick your lunch. You chose tuna fish, wasabi peas, and grapefruit. You are already done with potty training and only wear a diaper over night. I am sure other moms don't believe me, but we seriously did not push you. As you probably know about yourself, if it is not your idea, it is not happening. Maybe that is why you refuse to sleep through the night, still. Luckily, you have a pretty awesome Daddy who doesn't mind coming and snuggling you at 2am. You are fiercely independent, only when you want to be, which I now see as another side of independence. (See, that is the thing. You have made me stop and re-examine things I thought I knew thousands of times in the past two years.) At times, you dive into a new situation and claim it as your own. For already, you are a show stopper. Both your beauty and your charisma steal people's attention and not a day goes by that someone does not comment on the little woman that you are, even strangers can see it Lu. On the other hand, you are so attached to Daddy and I, and already your baby sister. It is as if you have found the perfect balance already, at only two. You know that your family will support you and you can always come to us for reassurance but you also know that you want to do things on your own. Your most used phrase right now is "My do it." But your second most is "Help me." I hope that whoever you choose to surround yourself with in life, these two phrases remain. That you find people both that you can stand up to and be yourself, and that you trust to be your help when you need them. You already have 3 of us.

   You challenge me in every way possible. At the end of every day, and some days by lunch, I am exhausted. Just like I said above, you make me re-evaluate things I wouldn't glance at twice before; both myself and the world around us. Your innocence and constant wonder allow me to see the world through your eyes as I attempt to teach and discover things with you. But boy, do you push your limits. Some days it seems as if every thing we ask you to do, or not do, you do the exact opposite. Some people may assume you just don't understand what we are asking of you, however your tight lipped smile and obvious struggle to suppress a laugh tell us otherwise. Daddy says you are exactly like the Sour Patch kid candies... First they are sour, then they are sweet. I just think you are just like Daddy :)

   You are already the caretaker of the family. Maybe it is because you are the oldest, but honestly I don't see other kids your age with the sense of awareness for others that you possess. When you are given a drink or treat, you make sure to ask for one for Mama or Daddy, or your cousins when we are all together. When people give you a kiss or hug, you make sure Vada Belle gets one too. When you ask to read a book,you make sure your sister has a toy to entertain herself. You love to feed Otis, scratch Mama and Daddy's back, nurse your baby doll, kiss your sister. You really do care about other people and when we spend time with anyone and talk about what is coming up in your life, you ask them "Come with me." Always include people, baby girl. Never make anyone feel like they don't belong. Our family is a mix of relationships, ages, and situations but anyone who comes in the door is part of it, if only for the day. Do not lose this essential part of who you are.

   Honestly, I think you could take over my job any day and do a damn good job at it. You narrate every thing I should be doing next, all day long. If I am helping you with your coat, you tell me to get Vada's hat. Frustrating at times, but it proves just how much you are learning and relying on me to show you the way. That scares me. Knowing how much responsibility lies in me to be an example for you completely overwhelms me when I think about it.  I pray I will be the best example of a mother and woman I can possibly be for you. I know you will see my every achievement and every shortcoming. I hope you see more of the achievements. But don't overlook the mistakes. I will be honest with you where I failed, so you will do better. I don't want to be perfect, I want to be real. I know, for better or worse, I will be the woman you use as a gauge for yourself and any other woman you meet and I hope when you think of me, the better wins. I strive every day to be the kind of woman and mother that will make you proud to call me yours.

   At this point, you love going anywhere and have started asking to go shopping. You put on your make-up, correctly, any chance we get near my bathroom. We are still working on the less is more concept in this department.  You love to bake cookies and pull up a chair next to the kitchen aid when I ask for your help. You ask for a necklace or bracelet when I am putting mine on and my high heels are rarely in the closet when you have a few minutes to yourself in our bedroom (the shoes you picked up and put on when we went to DSW make my mom-of-17 -year-old-Lucy-self CRINGE). When I ask you to pick out your clothes, it is usually a dress and fancy shoes. It seems your favorite food is bean soup, your favorite books are Olivia the Pig, your favorite show is Dora or Elmo, and your favorite place to be is in your swing.
  I did cry on your birthday. Not as much as your 1st, but still. I want you to know now, on the first year I write you a letter for your birthday, that I have a reason. I want you to know that you were loved, and watched, and that the little things you did were the things that made my life worthwhile. I cherish the day in and day out that we spend together and that my reason in recording and writing to you is so you know that I did not take a moment or memory for granted. I took a lot of pictures, I wrote a lot of stories. I never want to embarrass you but I never want you to question that we wanted you, every day with you, and maybe we are selfish with your time, but one day you won't want us around every minute. And then all we will have is our memories, and these letters,  while we lie awake waiting for you to come home. But you will not be in those red, five inch, patent-leather pumps that you tried on when you were two.

All my love,
Mama

Lucy's 2nd Birthday Party

We celebrated Lucy's 2nd birthday by having a paint party! Naturally, when the day came, Lucy had no interest in painting and spent the first part of the party outside in the swing with her Poppy. She eventually warmed up, got her face painted and got in the spirit in time to paint her cupcake with icing. We also had pretzel sticks dipped and splattered with paint, paint brush rice krispie treats, homemade ice cream, and dirty paint water to drink. The weather was beautiful so the kids were able to play outside in between activities and everyone was able to take home the canvas they painted and a painted canvas cookie favor . We kept the party small since we had so much going on but Lucy is so blessed to have so many people surrounding her that love her so much. Thank you to the family and friends that came to celebrate with us and all the others who wished her a happy birthday. 

3/7/2013 On this day...

     On this day, Lucy crawled up the stairs to me with her coat in hand, dressed in her hat with shoes on the wrong feet. She told me she had picnic basket downstairs and that she was going outside with Otis. And she had cheese too. "Can you help me?" As I helped her with her coat, held her hand down the stairs and saw her grab her water cup and packed picnic basket, my heart went ahead and jumped right out of my chest and packed itself in that basket right in between the car keys and nail clippers; I guess you just never know. She walked to the door and told me to stay here with Vada Belle. As i closed the door behind her and her adventure with Otis, and without me, began, I heard her saying "Thank you Mama. Thank you Mama."
     I cried. I could not stop. This little lady who can dress herself and pack her own picnic and go on adventures outside without me, when did this happen? She used what I taught her; hat when it is cold, water cup when we go somewhere, always pack a snack, but she wanted to do it herself.
   As I watched her wander around outside through the windows of the house, I told myself to remember that moment. To know that one day, she won't just be going outside with Otis, she will be going on life adventures and telling me to stay here. I hope she  does exactly what she did on this day... use what I taught her, ask me to help when she needs it, and  have the confidence to do it on her own, with gratitude for me letting her.  And cheese isn't a bad idea either.

Playing Fair

   I am the third child of four. I learned early life is not fair. By the time there were four of us running around, playing fair pretty much went out the window and it was more survival of the fittest. An older sister stepping on your foot and pushing you backwards, breaking your toe in the process, wasn't fair. But then it probably wasn't fair of me to play cosmetologist on my little sister by Nair-ing her eyebrows... sorry for the chemical burn! Or for the countless hairdos my brother sat through as the only boy, only to be told "Be nice to your sisters" in return. Bottom line when you are a kid, though, is that fair or not, at the end of the day, you get tucked in your bed to sleep as long and deeply as you wish while your parents tip toe around and make sure all is well in the world. Well, now I am learning that the "fair rule" doesn't give grown ups a break at all and no one tip toes around me anymore.
  Jameson and I have talked a lot recently about how some people just seem to float through life without many troubles. I totally understand that everyone has issues to deal with and that just because they are not visible does not mean everything is peachy. But sometimes, what is visible, just makes you want to scream "That's not fair! It is my turn!" I am in no way writing this as a pity party for ourselves or our situation or to wish harm on anyone who is not visibly dealing with issues. I just want to be real. To let my girls know that sometimes life is not fair at all. Sometimes just when you think things are finally looking up and you are starting to get ahead, you get smacked right in the face and sent back down to start building up again.
   We have so much to be thankful for in this family. I have two beautiful girls who are healthy. A husband who is working more overtime than regular hours lately, just trying to get us ahead. To be completely honest, though, the more he works, the harder we get smacked. It is as if someone is watching the scales and realizing, hey wait this side is starting to come up, better mess up the heat pump and send a $700 electric bill their way! But, as Jameson always reminds me, we make it. We always make it somehow. Just when my serious doubt face turns on and the tears are on the brink, something comes from out of the blue and we scrape by. Everytime.
   So, my little ladies, fret not. Mama has learned first hand that life is not fair. I promise to be there to teach and remind you to be nice to each other and take turns, but I will not do you the unjustice of promising things are equal. When you are small, I will tip toe around when you are sleeping and make sure all is right in your world. When you are older, I promise to remind you that things have a way of working themselves out and you will get by. I won't be able to tell the world and everyone you encounter to play fair with you, as much as I wish I could. I promise to listen and get angry with you when you get the short end of the stick, but I won't apologize for it. Because as Daddy and I are learning, as much as it would be nice to "float" for a little while, we would not change a thing about our life for the world. After all, we got the two most loving, hilarious, beautiful little ladies the world has to offer... and that is just not fair to everyone else.

Vada at 7 Months

Smiley is the word I would pick to describe Vada at this point. This little lady has the biggest, face-consuming smile that you cannot help but either smile back or give her a huge kiss. All it takes is a glance in her direction or a smile directed at her to suddenly feel pretty darn good about yourself. She seems to have gotten over her fear of unbearded men and truly has become such a happy, content baby. She STILL has not done a deep belly laugh, but she definitely finds some things funny to which she responds by squealing. I guess it is true about little girls; the high pitched, ear piercing squealing that I am sure will stick around for the next few years. Lucy is particularly good at getting this sound out but Daddy's tickles, peek a boo, or Mama crawling across the floor to her will do the trick too. Bath time is a new favorite too since she can sit up and splash and play with Lucy. She is a total ham with a camera and will go from content and watchful to big cheese in no time. 

   One thing Vada does not smile or laugh about is food. I have offered a couple of different things that I made at home for her to eat; pears, carrots, oatmeal as well as avocados, bananas, and yogurt. As soon as the spoon hits her lips, her mouth buttons, her head shakes side to side and the arms start flailing. This is generally followed by screaming until I give up and calm her down by nursing. I decided just to give in and try some store bought baby food, Earth's Best Organics, and she ate the entire jar of sweet potatoes. The next night, half a jar of pears. Since then, nothing. I really don't want to push her to eat food if she is not interested since I am confident she is getting everything she needs from nursing. A baby doesn't get to 22 pounds by starving :) Nor by sleeping through the night. Vada likes to be asleep by 8pm then usually wakes up before 10 to eat again. Sometimes she will then sleep until 1:30 before she wants to eat then again around 4. She still sleeps either in her crib, the swing, or in bed with us depending on her mood. She does like to stretch out with both arms as far out to the side as possible so sometimes the crib is the only option. She has lost interest in her pacifier so either nursing or rocking are the ways we are getting her to sleep. I guess I am just not exhausted enough yet to work on some self soothing.  

   We are still waiting for any teeth but the drooling, chewing, and now a runny nose are sure signs it is not far off. She has also started getting one leg behind her and rocking to try and grab toys that are out of reach which just petrifies me. I am loving the stage she is now, happy to sit and play and watch and discover on her own without me worrying about her getting into things or disappearing from view. She is a mover and a shaker so I know when she starts moving there will be no stopping her. 
  Vada is definitely a Mama's girl. I love when I am holding her and someone talks to her and she smiles at them then plays shy and turns into my shoulder. It makes me feel like she has a secret that only I know and I will soak that up as long as I can. She gives the best hugs and kisses, as well as the most aggressive. I find myself being super protective of her since she does not demand attention the way her big sister does. Being her mom, I know just how amazing this little lady is and I want everyone else to know it too. I already see that she is much more laid back than Lucy which means she sometimes sits and plays by herself instead of being in the center of it all. Maybe that is why I am not miserable with getting up in the night with her. Some days it is the only time that it is just her and I. So, this is another area where I am learning constantly how to parent each child individually. For now, all I know is this little woman is growing up so incredibly quickly and becoming even more loveable with each passing day. You hold a special place in Mama's heart, my Belle, and I love every bit of you.