My little berry

Working in malls everyday while I was pregnant was a battle with self control. While I knew there would be no point in even looking at baby clothes until I found out if I should be looking at blue or pink, let's be honest, I couldn't help myself from day one. I did learn to limit my purchases to sale days with coupons eventually but the first article of clothing I bought, before I knew boy or girl, was a little pink striped, cotton number with a large strawberry smack on the bum. When I saw it, I immediately snapped a picture and sent it to Jameson with a smiley face then got back to work. I walked by it several more times that day, it was on the way to the restroom and I was pregnant, and could not resist. I brought it home and hung it in my closet where I got to look at it every day. Anyone who saw it said I was ridiculous since I hadn't even learned the gender. That outfit remained the only outfit I bought before learning of Lucy and it still holds a special place among all the dresses for me. Maybe it's that it was the first purchase, or that I somehow felt compelled to buy pink, or just that its so darn cute, but I love it. As Lucy grows and grows this outfit only has a couple more wears until it is packed away. Seeing my baby girl wear this first outfit I bought for her is surreal; she more beautiful and the outfit even sweeter than I could have imagined. I couldn't help but take a few pictures to remember this outfit and the time in her life when she still fit in it. My sweet little berry bum...

Four Months!

As of today, Lucy is now 4 months old! I cannot believe how quickly time has passed or that Jameson and I could love her more with each passing day. There have been a lot of fun developments this month as she becomes more mobile and more of her personality shines through. Although we are far from scheduled, Lucy does regularly wake between 8 and 9 and takes a two hour nap most mornings. Afternoons are shorter cat naps, which she now takes in her crib :) Lucy has become happier playing on her own ever since she discovered her toes! Just this week I walked in to check on her during a nap and she was wide awake with toes in hand. This development has also helped her to be able to flip from her back to her tummy, though she doesn't like it once she is over. In the car, Lucy holds her head up to see out of the window instead of laying back and relaxing.

Otis continues to be the only thing that can regularly get Lucy to belly laugh so we use him as often as possible. She is also very ticklish and squeals whenever we start tickling her or blowing on her belly. She is learning she has a voice and likes talking to us or squealing sometimes just to hear herself. She has also learned that whining gets our attention so sometimes she does this, even with a smile on her face. Ornery much? She also makes very funny faces while she is figuring out all the noises her mouth can make. At this point, Lucy loves to...

go on bike rides with Mommy and Daddy,

take a bath,

laugh at Otis, 

 play with her toes,

swim in the pool and go to story time at the library (ironic since she hates being read to!). Next week she has her four month check up so I will be sure to write about how that goes. Lucy continues to amaze and entertain us everyday. She also becomes more and more beautiful as we see the little girl she is turning into. We sure have our work cut out for us but love every moment of being her mommy and daddy. We love you Lucille!

One Week, One Year Ago

I have already put a lot of thought into this post. How to start, how much to include, how to get through it? You see, one year ago, this past week held both the worst day and one of the best days of my life. On July 3, my brother passed away at the age of 28, leaving a wife, four kids, and an extremely tight knit family behind. To say that we were devastated is an understatement. The only boy in a family of four children, my brother held the esteem of all of his sisters, as well as mom and dad. Brady was the neutral ground in a family high on emotion. He never picked sides, never argued with us, and was willing to play just about anything. He welcomed people into the family with no judgement and could not contain his excitement when he had plans with any one of us. His pride for his family was written all over him. His heart, definitely his heart, is his legacy. July 8, one day before his funeral, Jameson and I had come home from staying with mom and dad for a shower and to grab clothes. I began packing my things when suddenly my attention was drawn to that little cardboard box holding "the stick." I kept packing but for some reason could not stop looking back to it. I had had no inclination until that point that I was pregnant but for some reason felt that I needed to be sure. Warning Jameson not to come upstairs, I figured I was being ridiculous as I unwrapped the test and took a seat. Two minutes later my world was, for the second time that week, rocked to the core. I could hardly breathe when that faint, second pink line appeared. I immediately called for Jameson to be sure that I was not seeing things. After seeing the look on my face and verifying what I thought I had seen, we could only stare at each other, no words. Jameson started laughing as I quickly repeated "I dont think so, no, its not right." One quick trip to Walgreens and two tests later, we had three sets of double pink lines. I still doubted, but Jameson was certain from that first test that our family had started to grow. I now wonder if I truly doubted or was I trying to protect myself from the disappointment were it not? Needless to say, it was certain and Jameson and I both believe Brady had something to do with our surprise. Later as we were discussing names and had chosen Lucille as an option, I learned what her name meant; "Light." Nothing could alleviate the pain or repair the hole losing Brady has caused. But what learning about Lucille did do was provide hope, a light in the darkness of loss. It taught me to keep living, keep loving, and have the same pride in our family that Brady did. Lucille will never meet her Uncle Brady, something I have struggled to accept countless times throughout pregnancy and since her birth, but she will know him through the stories, pictures, and memories our family continues to cling to. As dad prayed on Thanksgiving last year, "Thank you God for the 28 years we got to have with Brady."

"'Til Then"

Please do not forget me friend

I have not died to you see,

I am simply moving on in Life,

The present must cease to be.

Please do not forget me friend

It is not my choice you know,

I have just outgrown this place

So now I have to go.

Please do not forget me friend

You've been my whole wide world you see,

You have taught me so very much

But now I must fly free.

Please do not forget me friend

As you also move on,

Please do not shed tears for me

Help each other to be strong.

Please do not forget me friend

For I know I cannot forget you,

Please help the pain of loss fade away

And show me the way that's true.

Please do not forget me friend

We all have our own part in Life you see,

You must go your way and I must go mine

For that is the way things are meant to be.

Please always keep my memory dear

Please do not forget me friend

And do not bid good-bye to me

Instead let's say "til then"