Learning to Let Go

   Lucy has decided to stop nursing. The last time she nursed was Friday night before bed. No more morning sessions, no night sessions since then. It was completely on her own time. I had been fine with letting her nurse both in the morning and before bed because I knew it wouldn't be much longer. I had planned on nursing for a year since I was pregnant with her and am having bittersweet feelings now that the time has come.
  Lucy really started losing interest in nursing when I found out I was pregnant. I don't know if it was changes with me or her starting to love food but she moved from 5-6 times a day to 2 or 3. I didn't mind at that time because it was painful for me when she did nurse but I never refused her. I had read about the "Don't Offer, Don't Refuse" plan for weaning and it seemed to make a lot of sense. Leave it up to her. For the past month and a half she was really only nursing for comfort anyway. She would never last more than 5 minutes before falling asleep or losing interest and wanting to be rocked to sleep. I think when I thought about weaning I felt like I was losing some of my priority in her life. She has shown me that is not the case at all. She still wants only me past eight o'clock. She still wants her Mama to rock her to sleep and sing to her before she falls asleep. And she still knows that I will comfort her whenever she needs me.
   A part of me wishes I had known that Friday night was the last time. We had a very rocky start with nursing but I never, ever had any thoughts of giving up. Lots of tears, lots of pain, but in the end lots of one on one time with my baby that no one else got to have and I can never get back. I loved every minute I had with her in this aspect of our relationship. Being able to comfort her like no one else, getting a quiet moment with her when we were out with family or friends, seeing her grow and be so healthy and knowing I was doing the absolute best thing possible for her.
   I guess I have reached my goal. Lucy will be 1 one week from today and could not be any healthier. I didn't have to push her to stop nursing. I never refused her that form of comfort she found from me. She is the most confident, assertive baby girl that we could hope for. She was ready, now it's Mama's turn to start letting go in this small way.