3 under 4

Every. Single. Day. Anywhere we go. Total strangers. "How do you do it?" "Better you than me" "Oh you're a saint" And my favorite, "I'll pray for you tonight."

Yes, they are all girls. No, they are not twins. Yes, they are all under 4. No, I don't care that we don't have a boy, and neither does my husband. I don't know when/ if we will have another but not right now, and again, no. We are not "trying for a boy."

I understand people are curious and we are quite a spectacle, especially when attention is demanded from a temper tantrum throwing toddler, or two. Sometimes I do feel like I should apologize to people in the grocery store/ library/ Target/ everywhere when someone is not behaving. But, you get to leave! All jokes aside, this is our life. It is one that was built. Not thrown at us like something out of our control. We always wanted at least 3 kids. And, quite honestly, we know how we got ourselves in this situation. I wouldn't change any of it. Yes, there are days when I don't know how I will make it to lunch, let alone bedtime. But I think even moms with one child feel that way some days. When we first brought Hazel home it all seemed manageable. Sure, there was more laundry and sometimes I would have to sit down to nurse or comfort her but she slept all the time. Then two weeks hit, James went back to work, and I was largely outnumbered. I was totally overwhelmed and taking it minute by minute.

Three months later, it's still overwhelming! But we have learned A LOT about not just surviving but thriving as a family of 5. The main lessons I learned were keep it simple and to just go with the flow. I decided to skip Christmas cards this year. The stress of getting a picture of all 3 of them, getting to the post office for stamps, and finding the time to address them all just was not a priority to me. After all, this is how an attempt at a Thanksgiving photo went... Wait, one is missing!

Keep it simple. My house is no where near as clean as I would like, or organized. But if I can get from room to room and know that all it takes is a good 15 minutes to whip it into a presentable state, I have to let it go.

One of the most challenging parts of having 3 kids this young is discipline. It is extremely hard to deal with a temper tantrum, in public, with a baby strapped to your chest and another preschooler holding your hand. Because honestly, you spend enough time getting everyone dressed, in their car seats, and into the store, to call it quits because of bad behavior. Discipline is hard, and there are a million theories of the right way to do it. And every child has their unique needs that require something different of us. My mom gave me a piece of advice I lean on daily lately, as she raised four kids of her own. In choosing when/ how to discipline, decide if it is a heart issue. (She also said that if she had dog s#$% on a plate, one of us would want a bite. Truer words have never been spoken) Heart issues. If one of the girls is doing something to hurt someone else, physically or emotionally, it is going to be dealt with immediately. If they do something out of spite, it's not going to be let go. Not telling the truth is not going to happen. But, if they make a mess or have a spill, I have taught them to just clean it up. Everyone spills and makes a mess sometimes. And when it comes to getting dressed, rain boots are totally acceptable 90% of the time now.

Sleep is another killer. Surprisingly, Hazel is not an issue. That little one can be laid down for nap and will put herself to sleep. She will sleep from 10-5 in her crib at night. Lucy has resolved her sleep issues and will nap and sleep through the night regularly. Vada, however, has different needs. She does not want to be alone in her room to sleep, nap or night. Since August, she has been fighting every nap time and waking up 2-34761346 times a night wanting to come upstairs and sleep in our bedroom. For months we fought it. I would spend 45 minutes trying to get 1 of 3 girls to nap only to have her sleep for 20 minutes, And since I had a nursing newborn, James would be getting up 5-6 times a night to put her back in her room. Then, we gave up. And everyone was happier. She started napping in my bed, and slept for 2 plus hours. She would not wake up screaming anymore and waking the entire household in the process. At night, she learned to very quietly come upstairs, grab a pillow and a blanket and pass out next to the bed. No one else was woken, no trying 37 different attempts at convincing her to stay in bed, and more rest for everyone. Since then, we talked to her about sharing a room with Lucy and if that would make her feel more secure. So, last night we made her a bed in Lucy's room, and she stayed there! She woke up twice. Once to try to climb in bed with Lucy, which is not happening as Lucy made known. And another because she forgot where she was. This morning we moved her bed frame into Lucy's room and hopefully we have resolved the issue. Although, now it's nap time and she wanted to sleep in her tent, so who knows! We're rolling with it. And now we have two playrooms.

The days are long but the years are short. We are working things out and making memories every day. Seeing how close Lucy and Vada have gotten recently makes the 16 month age gap seem like a blessing. And as Hazel starts interacting more with her older sisters, I realize that no matter how stressful this stage in our life is, we have given each of our girls the very best thing we ever could have in each other. Having three girls in 3 and a half years may drive us crazy, but they have each other. So yes, 3, 2 and 3 months is rough. But I have a feeling when 17, 16 and 14 rolls around, we still won't be sleeping.

Hazel at 3 Months

My sweet, chunky ball of smiles is 3 months old. When I was pregnant with Hazel, James and I had hoped and prayed that at least one of our children would be laid back and sleep well. Hazel is our answer to, so many, prayers.

She is always happy. She smiles anytime someone speaks to her or smiles at her. She sits contentedly in her bumbo for extended periods of time and only lets out a small whine when she wants to be held. She is content with anyone who holds her. She sleeps from 10-5, in her crib! I am able to lay her down in one of the girls' beds and she just falls asleep. It is a whole new world for this family! Last night I missed her sleeping with me so I brought her to bed when I laid down. She slept horribly, so I did too.

She has really started talking a lot and makes lots of "ohhhhs" or "mummmms" when she's hungry or sleepy. We are convinced she is days from belly laughing because sometimes she looks like shes going to split wide open her smile is so big. She will squeal when she's excited and sound like she is trying to catch her breath when you tickle her. She is JOY.

She watches us intently and tries to get people's attention when they are near her. She loves the moby, LOVES it. Whether I am grocery shopping, pushing the girls in the swing, baking cookies, or cleaning the house, this little one likes to be on my chest. She has a ball in the bathtub and doesn't mind a shower.

She is growing up too fast and already does not like being laid on her playmat or reclined in her swing. She holds her head up perfectly and is starting to use her hands, most notably when she is nursing.

Her face is changing quickly and I can't decide what color her eyes are going to be. Her hair still looks dark. She has an upper lip like Vada which we cannot figure out where that fullness came from. She hasn't been officially measured since we haven't been to the doctor since she was 2 weeks old, but the kitchen scale is inching close to 18 pounds. She wears 9 month sleepers because she is so tall, ok and because she is chunky :)

She is definitely a Mama's girl at times and I am perfectly fine with it! James tried a bottle one time which didn't go over so well. Some times when she seems fussy all she needs is a snuggle from me and she passes right out.

 I am totally smitten with her and could watch her smile all day. She has reminded me why I love this little baby stage so much and evens give me baby fever, then her sisters wake up and it quickly passes. She has outgrown so many clothes already and even though most of them have now been worn by all 3 of our girls, I cannot help but cry as I pack them away. I suppose I will always have a hard time moving on to the next stage, knowing how quickly they grow into who they are and leaving the days of quiet observation and snuggling behind. If her temperament remains even close to what it is now, we are in for a beautiful little girl.

Hazel at 2 Months

Miss Hazel Magnolia is now two months old. She has followed a similar path as her sisters and become quite the plump little lady. I packed up more clothes just this past weekend, saying goodbye to the sweet, tiny clothes of 3 months and moving to 6. Other than eating, she smiles and has started talking to us, as long as she is being held. She does not want to be put down for one minute and is happiest in Mama's arms. The swing and playmat are not her friends so she spends a large portion of the day hanging out in the moby wrap on my chest. She snuggles with her big sisters and Lucy has become quite the pro at getting her to sleep for a nap. She still sleeps like a dream at night, on my side of course, and is only waking up once to eat.

Hazel is extremely sensitive to what I eat and especially to caffeine. She absolutely loves bath time, especially when I can get in with her and hold her head while she floats.

 

 

Hazel, you are definitely a Mama's girl at this point in your life and I would not have it any other way. As my third daughter, you are no less wonder-full to me as your sisters and continue to teach me new things about both myself and yourself each day. You, more than the others, are teaching me to slow down and accept our new pace. Seeing you grow so quickly is bittersweet as I say goodbye to the sleepy newborn of the first weeks and anticipate who you will become. I love you sweet girl.



Nothing about Halloween

It is Halloween. This post has absolutely nothing to do with wishing Happy Halloweens, what the girls are dressing as, or what our plans are. Sorry for those who love this holiday.

We are 7 weeks into being a family of 5. I am blessed beyond measure and completely overwhelmed. We have not found a "groove" and most days just getting the girls dressed fed, dishes clean, and laundry done is monumental. Showers, errands, cleaning are all bonuses.

Lately I have been feeling a lot of guilt for how things are going. I know all moms feel guilt for one reason or another and I so wish we could all just take a deep breath, pat ourselves on the back and keep at it. Some days the only thing that runs through my head is "just keep swimming." So that is what I do. Some days move us forward and others it is just to keep our head above water.

Things like Halloween only add to the mom guilt for me. Which is ridiculous. My kids have very little expectations of me and are thrilled to be dressing up in their store bought costumes and heading out to trick or treat for the first time in their lives. But I have pinterest. And facebook. And instagram. And so many of the other measures we use to judge where we fall in comparison. Back when Hazel was a newborn and slept 23.5 hours of the day I had planned to have a small party at our house after trick or treating. But I am not. And I feel guilty. For a party that was never even a real plan but an idea that I "should" have something. Hormones be damned.

I am definitely being taught some hard lessons as a new mom to 3, all under 4. I am learning the beauty in simplicity. I am being reminded I am so not in control. I am learning not to compare myself to anyone because everyone's situation is different. I have become a homebody with 2 kids who love it and 1 who asks every morning where are we going that day.

So, today, Halloween, I want to encourage all the moms. The ones who seem to have it all together, well done. I know how hard holidays are and I hope you feel a sense of accomplishment in getting your kids costumed, to a party, in making crafty snacks, in decorating your house or anything else you managed to pull off while doing the hardest job in the world. Take those pictures and show it off!To the moms who don't have anything together, I am with you. I managed one uncarved pumpkin, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich lunch, and three store bought costumes for Halloween. Take a picture and show it off! At the end of the day, we all will reach for the glass of wine, out of exhaustion for being a supermom or just relief it is over. The kids will have a ball regardless and after all, Christmas is only 55 days away ;)

Hazel Magnolia, One Month Old

It happened just like that. One minute I am holding my newborn baby admiring how tiny every little part of her is. The next, I am rushing three kids out the door to a hearing screening. But wait. In that rush, I took off the newborn gown that all three of my girls wore and is my most favorite thing to snuggle them in. The night before when I dressed Hazel in that gown I knew it would be the last time. I told myself to take a picture in the morning, just like I had with Lucy and Vada. But off it went in the hurried few minutes before jumping in the car.

Hazel Magnolia is one month old. Already. There are pictures, thank God. But this is the first time I have taken? let myself? made myself? sit down and write about her.

She is peace. She is beautiful. She has fulfilled this family in a way I could only dream of. She has restored me in a very broken and damaged place. She smiles, no really, all the time. She loves my horrible voice and falling asleep on her daddy's chest. She lays on my chest as I type this and soothes my weary soul.

Hazel was born on Sunday, September 7 around 7:30pm. She weighed 6 pounds and 12 ounces and measured 19 inches tall. The slow, long, 10+ hour labor was nothing like I had anticipated it being. I thought she would come quickly. Did she prove me wrong. I went from contractions every 5ish minutes from 10am to noon to nothing considerable or regular until 6pm that night. I willed my way and she would not have it. James watched Top Gun on the couch at the birthing center while I walked laps and side squatted stairs to exhaustion. I remember telling the midwife at one point that I came to have a baby, not to exercise. I progressed slowly throughout the afternoon and was offered assistance in the way of breaking my water and homeopathic medication. I finally was getting uncomfortable around 6:30 and asked to get in the whirlpool tub. I finally relaxed and let go of trying to control the situation. That did the trick. One hour later, Hazel was born in the water and placed directly on my chest. I was able to cut her cord, a first for me. We stayed at the birth center until midnight then took our precious third daughter home.

Hazel slept the deepest sleep I have ever witnessed for the first two weeks of her life. It scared the shit out of me. I would have to undress her and stand under the fan to wake her enough to eat. James would play with her lips and she would just tuck them in and keep sleeping. I finally relaxed in the knowledge that she wasn't even due for 15 days from her birthday and if she was still inside then she would likely be doing the same thing. At her 2 week check up she weighed over 8 pounds so I knew she was at least growing.

Hazel still sleeps beautifully at night. We wake up twice to nurse. She usually has a few hours of wakefulness in the morning then passes out in the early afternoon for a long nap stretch, waking for a couple of hours before bed. When she is awake, as long as she is held, she is content.

Lucy and Vada are completely in love with her. They argue over holding her, remark at her tiny toes and fingers, and shower her with kisses all hours of the day. Lucy told me she missed Hazel when she was in my belly and sings "Here Comes the Sun" when she holds her. She calls herself "the big, big sister." Vada likes to tell me every time she starts to fuss and always says "I kiss the baby." She pronounces her name like Hasewl and it melts my heart. They have absolutely no concept of personal space, especially when she nurses.

We are far from in a groove but we are over the moon happy. The days are chaotic, messy, noisy, and beautiful and I will miss them when this season ends.

"There are moments that I know I will long for, even as I live them."

 

 

 

*Photos by dKin photography... thanks Ashley!



To Vada Belle, on your second birthday

My little firecracker. You are a walking force of attitude, humor, and facial expressions. People comment often on how much personality you have without ever having met you or spoken to you. They have no idea. You are more determined than most 30 year olds and have the most independence that far surpasses your two years. On the flip side, you make everyone who knows you crack up with your sarcastic facial expressions and general goofiness. Daddy and I think you may perform on SNL one day, a deadly combination of humor, beauty, and don't mess with me attitude. As hard as it is to parent you some days, I know that one day in the future these will be a blessing as no one will be able to persuade you away from what you want. You have become a total Daddy's girl despite your ability to make him more frustrated than anyone else can. You wake up in the night calling for him and ask every single morning where he is on days he works.
You love to share food, but not toys. You are the best mommy to all of your babies which are by far your favorite play thing. You love to wear rain boots, and not much else, and can go from fully clothed to naked faster than I can turn around. You are potty trained, but don't like to tell us when you go, asking us to leave you alone and saying you can do it yourself. Your absolute favorite food is ice cream with cherry tomatoes a close second.  You have already started stringing together letters of the alphabet and singing the words to Jesus Loves Me. You and Lucy are beyond close and just this morning you woke up and climbed in bed with her before coming to look for me. I know becoming a big sister in a few weeks will be a big adjustment for you but I am fully confident you will embrace it fully. You already talk to your baby sister and give her kisses and try to feed her through my belly button. You ask me if she's kicking and reserve toys you know she will like to play with.
Your vocabulary is absolutely insane for your age and you interact with people like you are twice the age you are. I think that is why Daddy and I didn't have such a hard time with you turning two because you already act far older. We are not pushing you to grow up though because the rare times you do sit still you are such a loving little thing. I still get to rock you to sleep for naps but bed time is reserved for daddy and you always like to point out the book that you and daddy read the night before.
You are such a joy in our lives, Vada Belle, and we consider it an honor to be your parents. Watching you everyday, there is never a dull moment and we live for the next laugh or display of attitude. You are going to conquer the world, and we will be there with you, just trying to keep you clothed.

34 Weeks

I was trying to come up with a clever title for this post but nothing worked. Yes, I have already completed 34 weeks of this pregnancy and only have 6ish more to go. But seriously, SIX MORE! I am convinced this little woman will be late but also have in the back of my mind that both Lucy and Vada came early so maybe I don't have another six full weeks. We are in full blown pregnancy symptom mode over here. Horrendous heartburn for the first time ever, waddling when I walk, rib pain, hip pain, pressure, exhaustion, clothes fitting one day and not the next, etc. It is so easy to get down on myself and what little I can accomplish anymore but I still feel absolutely blessed to be carrying another little girl. This little lady gets the hiccups several times a day, stretches those limbs out on both sides of my belly at once, and I am pretty sure is packing on the pounds rather quickly. James and I both feel like we can really feel a little body instead of just movement. I still love feeling her move around and I can't help but picture the way things will be as a family of 5. I have a few things left to do before her arrival, wash the car seat, assemble the swing, pack our bag, but I am holding off until September so I feel like we still have things to do besides wait. Lucy is already giving people instructions on what is acceptable around the baby and has told me where she will go when the time comes to deliver. Vada has really started showing more interest and will kiss my belly and say hi baby, as well as try to feed her things through my belly button. Baby girl has no idea what she is in for... more attention, love, touching, and general lack of personal space that any baby has ever seen. And I cannot wait for it all.