Hormone Overload

 It has been one of those weeks. I didn't get around to weird and wonderful wednesday. I never posted a picture or update about baby and my 28th week. I have tons of pictures of Lucy to share. We haven't really gone anywhere or left the house all week but no, its not clean and I still feel like there a million things I have to do. But I have something weighing on my heart. The baby is close to being here. We have less than three months to go and there is a lot to be done. The bedroom hasn't been started. I haven't ordered more diapers. I don't have a plan for where Lucy will go when I'm delivering. I can't wait to meet baby august and I get more and more anxious by the day. But, as most moms can relate, I am feeling guilty. I feel like I need to soak up every moment with Lucy that I can. I feel like I need to shower her with attention and love to make up for the times I won't be able to come August. I can't help but feel nervous about splitting my attention between two babies under 18 months. I want to give the new baby as much cuddling and snuggling as I gave Lucy when she was new. I want to hold the baby and let them sleep on me. I want to nurse whenever they want. On the other hand, I want to still rock Lucy to sleep for naps and nighttime. I want to still stop whatever I am doing and read to her when she brings me a book. I want to cuddle her when she is waking up and when she gets hurt. I want to watch every new thing she does and discovers. How will I be able to do both?
  One thing I do know, though, is that I can love them both. I learned immediately upon finding out we were pregnant that I can love two babies, each with all my heart. I learned that my love doesn't lessen for Lucy but just multiplies for the new baby. I learned what my heart is capable of doing. Now its my body's turn to keep up. On top of all these feelings I have, thanks hormones!, I found this poem which, of course, gave me yet another reason to cry this week.

You will always be the one, who gave our hearts unmeasured love.
Fulfilled a couple's dreams, and gave us purpose from above.
Each day will hold another first, our lives immersed in loving you.
So awed, proud and delighted, by each little thing you do.
You will have untrained parents, yet our affections all your own.
New toys with all the pieces, drawers filled with unstained clothes.
We will quietly watch you breathe, and tiptoe as you sleep.
We will mark each little milestone, recording them for keeps.
You will always have us near, at times holding on too tight.
We will be guided by your love, as we learn to parent right.
You will always be the FIRST, the genesis, the start.
You will always be the baby, who engraved love upon our hearts.

I know I will manage. I know we will find a new normal and that both babies will be loved as much as if there were only one of them. I know Lucy will be an amazing big sister and will love this new baby even when it takes Momma's attention. I can't wait to hold my two babies and love them both, figuring the rest out as we go.