The Home Birth of James Solomon

(I want to preface this very personal post by saying that there is no wrong way to give birth. This was simply my experience and not only do I not judge people for their births, I don't even feel like I should have an opinion on another woman's experience. I will say that I am passionate about every woman feeling like they were respected, however their baby's birth played out. Home birth is not for everyone but I would ABSOLUTELY do it again if Sol had not been our last baby.) 

I love the process of having our babies. I love trusting my body completely and seeing how each birth plays out uniquely to each of my kids. I love that I was educated, and my body cooperated, to have healthy pregnancies, labors, births, and babies. I love being surrounded by people that believe in the power of undisturbed birth. I love that my husband was an active participant in our babies' births. I love holding my baby for the first time and knowing that it was them all along. And I really love that I ended that chapter of my life at home.

Sol was our only baby that did not come early. He was also the only baby I was temporarily put on bed rest for. We were fully anticipating a June baby but he had other plans, and ended up coming right on his time, 6 days after my "due date." A full moon, thunderstorm and 2.5 hour labor finally brought our baby earthside.

I certainly didn't have much warning with Sol. I was as an uncomfortable as I had been for weeks and around 10:15 pm I was waiting for the bath tub to fill when I realized I was trickling fluid. I told Jameson, and he said he was going to take a nap. I called the midwife and she said to take a bath and call her back when my contractions started. After the bath, I tried laying down for awhile. I had had a couple of very spaced out contractions but noted the time anyway. I had a 12 minute break between, followed by a 7 minute break, then a five minute break, but I knew from already having three babies that these contractions HURT so at 11:45 pm I asked my midwife to come then as she was an hour away. And then they started coming every 2 minutes.

Jameson started filling the birth tub as I paced and eventually jumped in the shower to work through the contractions. My mom had arrived in case the girls woke up and I had called our friend Ashley who was going to photograph for us. I kept asking if the tub was ready when I felt "that" feeling to start pushing. It was sometime between me leaving the shower and jumping in the not quite full tub that my midwife arrived, but I honestly cannot remember her getting here.

As I laid in the pool in our kids playroom, I had a few moments of rest before I instinctively flipped over and began pushing. Jameson had been behind me and when I turned over he held me for the last few minutes of my labor. What I remember most about Sol's birth was, for the first time ever, I didn't feel overwhelmed by what my body was doing. Yes, it f%#&*+! hurt, but I somehow found the ability to channel that and work with my body as I felt my baby moving down.






At 12:53 am, only 13 minutes after my midwife arrived, our baby was born into the water and as I brought him up to my chest, and my hand felt something they never had on one of our babies before, Jameson yelled, "He's got balls!" and we were face to face with our son.

 Holding our boy, I moved from the tub into our bed where Sol immediately started nursing and the midwife checked both of us over. After a shower, a meal, and a clean bill of health, we settled in for a few hours before the girls awoke to their new baby brother.

I cannot put into words how this little boy has changed me and our family. I never knew how much I always wanted a son until I became his mom. He is our last baby and, together with his sisters, we have completed our family. 

All photos courtesy of dKin Photography.

This is for us

Our baby boy that hasn't made his blog debut turns one on Thursday. This, encouragement from my husband, and a gut wrenching experience proving just how quickly everything *possessions* can be lost has caused me to return to this space as our family's historian.

I don't want to record facts in this space about my kids heights, weights, and grades. I don't want to justify our lifestyle or pursuade anyone to raise their kids similarly. In fact, part of the reason I stopped writing here was for that very reason. If having four kids has taught me anything, it's that there really isn't a right answer for any of this. Things I thought I would never do or always do have been lost in the responsibility of meeting four little individual people's needs while maintaining some semblance of sanity and a healthy marriage. The older my kids get and the more years of being a mother I experience, I see flaws along the way how things could have been better for all of us if I had let go of what I thought I should be doing or what everyone expected me to do, and just did what worked.

This summer is a first for our family. We've now experienced what school does to a child, their siblings, and their mother and just how sweet the return of everyday, all day, family life is for all of us. For the first time in our family's life, we aren't waiting to see who will complete our family. This is us and I know I am experiencing things for the last time with Sol. Even typing that wells my eyes. I honestly cannot say that I will get to be home with him everyday until he starts school like I was with Lucy. Our family needs are changing and I want to be flexible. For the first time in 7 years, I am thinking about my career again and the "what's next" of my life after tiny babies.

For me, this space is a place where I get to step back from the ALL-ness of being home with 4 kids and see what stood out as memorable. I have spent every.single.day. of my kids life with them. I'm not bragging. There are times I shouldn't have. Times I should have forced myself to get help in caring for them and, in turn, me. But what the never ending ALL-ness has taught me, is that I still forget. I look at pictures of the girls and don't even remember the days when their hair fell that way. I certainly can't remember all the hilarious and inappropriate things they have said and how exactly did we spend all of those seemingly endless days of just being home? 

So I hope to be back here regularly, a place to record and release. There are stories I definitely want to share, like that time I had a baby in our playroom, and hopefully our craziness will help your life seem a littler more normal, or at least give you a good laugh. Our story is quite literally an open book and if you drive by and see the lanterns lit on the porch, grab a beer and meet us out back for a bonfire.

An 11 month old Hazel

The last two weeks have turned my baby into a new child. She suddenly started sprouting hair like weeds, adding tons of new words, eating meals and not sleeping. She is pulling up on things then letting go to stand, or squatting down to sit instead of falling. She is interacting with her sisters like never before and sometimes wants nothing to do with me when they are around. She mimics them choking, laughing and chewing and watches their every move.

She has started saying "Uh Oh!" and holding her arms up with her version of "so big." She says "more" at meals and "peek a boo." She waves hello and bye bye, sometimes blow kisses, and regularly leans in to give them open mouthed.

Hazel had her first big beach vacation and loved the water and the sand, and that mama let her nurse all night long since we all shared a room. Since being home, sleep has been interrupted as we attempt to reset to her normal schedule. Naps are a challenge as well as she only wants to sleep in my arms in the rocking chair in her room. Nothing else will do :/

Most days she nurses three or four times a day; morning, before afternoon nap, and at bedtime generally. As we started introducing more foods she hasn't been as interested and my body must have been ready because I haven't had any oversupply issues. No plans for pushing her to wean, just follow her needs.

There have not been any foods that she has not liked so far. I am not following any schedule just giving her whatever we are eating and she seems to love it.

Her first birthday is fast approaching and it never fails to amaze me just how quickly the first year flies by. With both Lucy and Vada I was either pregnant or hoping to become pregnant which seemed to soften the blow. I am neither this time around and the thought of my littlest turning a year is heartwrenching. She has brought so much joy and additional love into our family and will forever be my rainbow baby.

I love you so Hazel Magnolia.

To Vada Belle on your 3rd Birthday

 

My beautiful, wild Vada. I found a quote once that sums up being your mother perfectly; 

"She is delightfully chaotic; a beautiful mess. Loving her is a splendid adventure." 

-Steve Maraboli-

Daddy and I watched you one day trying to sit on the couch and watch a movie with your sister. You could not, not move for longer than 3 seconds. Your energy is limitless, only matched by the love that pours from you. You are a wonderful sister, easily manipulated by your older sister but happy to do whatever she asks. You are sweet and sensitive to your baby sister. You give her kisses and hugs to the point of suffocation and are at her side whenever she cries. You love your daddy most of all right now. I snuggled into you this morning and whispered I love you and you replied by saying "I love daddy. When will he be home?" Every night at bedtime you two snuggle together after books. But I know you love me. The way you still ask to be held. When you snuggle up to me on the couch. When you offer treats to me without me having to ask. The way you will do gladly do any chore that I am if it means we are working on something together. 

The fire inside you is consuming. You are either all love or pure hell. You scream at the drop of a hat when things don't go your way. Head thrown back, mouth wide open with all your little teeth showing, and the lungs of an opera singer. The comfort is knowing that no one will push you to do anything you don't want. You will not be defeated. And your voice will be heard.

You love your baby dolls and never go to sleep without at least three in your bed and one tucked into the doll bed beside you. 

Our Vada...

• sounds like champ from anchorman when she says chicken
• could already be offered a contract with SNL on your facial expressions alone
• tells me she just needs to go to the beach and eat pizza
• refuses to wear anything but a dress 
• asks for breakfast as soon as her eyes open in the morning
• sings "let it go" over and over and over and over and over in the car; not the song, just that one line
• favorite color is purple; TV show is Sophia; animal is butterfly
• swims only by moving her legs, no arms required. Your swim teacher just threw goggles on you and taught you how to swim underwater.
• asks me if I could have another hazel baby in my belly
• is afraid of heights but in the last three weeks tells me "see I am not afraid anymore!"
• has an extraordinary vocabulary and has been asking to go to school for over a year
• shakes her head side to side when she runs, presumably feeling the full bounce of her curls
• was told she is pure muscle by the pediatrician

You asked for a mermaid party for your birthday but totally blanked out whenever people asked you what you wanted for presents. Nana finally thought to ask you if you want something or something to do and of course you wanted something to do. You always want to go and ask me every morning where we get to go today. You have actually cried in the car when I tell you we are heading home, several times.

I cannot wait to see what this next year has in store for you my love. I know that you will blossom at school. I am eager to see the friends you make, the things that interest you, how you learn to harness all that energy and fire. You are my adventure and being your mom makes me realize I have no idea what I am doing with this motherhood thing, but I know you will love me anyway. Thank you Vada, for pushing your daddy and I to our limits and showing us just how much we can squeeze out of every day. Happy 3rd Birthday Vada Belle. 

Hazel lately

Hazel is now 9 and a half months old, and not a baby at all. She is a crawling, teething, ball of fire who has discovered both mobility and her temper.

• 6 teeth 
• has said "mum" "up" and "uh oh"
• still sleeps well at night, but only naps if she is being held or in the car
• nurses on demand, but did go 7 hours in between when I was out one day. some finger food. one week of eating at every meal but she quickly lost interest.
• my first baby that does a traditional crawl to get around
• pulling up to standing on furniture
• loves the water/pool/bath
• likes to play peek a boo, clap her hands and bounce to music
• pretends to blow on peoples faces
• gives kisses and hugs
• makes duck lips while snorting through her nose

Hazel at 8 (and a half) Months

Bittersweet. The last month and a half has brought about many changes for our baby girl. Pleasant as ever, despite sprouting her first two teeth down bottom. She has started interacting so much more with her sisters and now can be just as mouthy as the other two. She talks, sings, growls like a monster, and practices octaves. She is no longer stationary; rolling, twisting and pushing herself around to wherever she wants to be. She looks like she may take off crawling any minute and has also started pulling up on things. She is obsessed with food despite my efforts to prolong solids and has tried a handful of new fruits and vegetables. I guess I should take her cues and really start letting her feed herself. She is giving kisses and saying "Mama," getting into things, and perfecting the fake cough and laugh. She is a ham. Nursing has become more like wrestling as she tries to fill her belly while also grabbing her toes, pushing off my chest and watching her sisters.

Any sort of parenting advice I researched with both Lucy and Vada has gone out the window. With Lucy it was "introducing food" charts, keeping track of milestones and working to get her to sleep through the night. It was swim classes and perfectly matched outfits from hat down to shoes. Hazel is typically in an oversized, tie-dye t-shirt being laid down in her crib wide awake to take a three hour nap or sleep through the night. I haven't cracked a "what to expect" book since I was pregnant with Vada and have no recollection whether peas or green beans should be introduced first. She is my carefree, take it as it comes, along for the ride angel baby.

Again, as always with me, it's the small things that choke me up. Putting her in a bath seat for the first time meant not knowing it was the last time she was in the baby tub. Packing away yet another tote of clothes she has outgrown and seeing the physical evidence of her growing up. Lucy pointed out that soon she will need a toothbrush too and helps me remember to now pack a sippy cup for Hazel in the diaper bag. She is generally out of the moby or sling and sitting in the cart with her sisters. She's turning towards a dinner plate and away from my chest. She is doing exactly what she should be, according to her.

Life Lately

L: obsessed with legos; only wants to wear summer clothes; steals my phone in the mornings to lay in bed and watch play-doh videos; unicorn lover; surprisingly artistic; swings herself; wants to be 5 not 4; probable future party planner as she is always concerned with seating for people; her mind is a steal trap

V: only wears dress up costumes; shakes her head to get curls out of her eyes; ice cream lover; screamer; daddy's girl; had markers banned; and now stickers too; twirls on one foot to the music; told me she just wants to go to the beach and eat pizza

H: bubble blower; heart warmer; learned to shriek; rocks forward and back when sitting on the floor; pooped on the potty; giving kisses; drinking from a straw; working on a first tooth

J: providing in so many ways; building his garage; juggling work, home, and himself; obsessed with the garden seedlings; job searching; weekend breakfast maker; possibly buying chickens; the one who can fix all to his daughters; the one I long for during long work weeks

M: rejuventated by spring; cut hair above shoulders; focused on creating home; afternoon tea lover; cooking more vegetarian meals by the day; researching homes and jobs in warmer climates; considering what the new legislation on midwifery care means for her future; memories documenter