My little berry

Working in malls everyday while I was pregnant was a battle with self control. While I knew there would be no point in even looking at baby clothes until I found out if I should be looking at blue or pink, let's be honest, I couldn't help myself from day one. I did learn to limit my purchases to sale days with coupons eventually but the first article of clothing I bought, before I knew boy or girl, was a little pink striped, cotton number with a large strawberry smack on the bum. When I saw it, I immediately snapped a picture and sent it to Jameson with a smiley face then got back to work. I walked by it several more times that day, it was on the way to the restroom and I was pregnant, and could not resist. I brought it home and hung it in my closet where I got to look at it every day. Anyone who saw it said I was ridiculous since I hadn't even learned the gender. That outfit remained the only outfit I bought before learning of Lucy and it still holds a special place among all the dresses for me. Maybe it's that it was the first purchase, or that I somehow felt compelled to buy pink, or just that its so darn cute, but I love it. As Lucy grows and grows this outfit only has a couple more wears until it is packed away. Seeing my baby girl wear this first outfit I bought for her is surreal; she more beautiful and the outfit even sweeter than I could have imagined. I couldn't help but take a few pictures to remember this outfit and the time in her life when she still fit in it. My sweet little berry bum...

Four Months!

As of today, Lucy is now 4 months old! I cannot believe how quickly time has passed or that Jameson and I could love her more with each passing day. There have been a lot of fun developments this month as she becomes more mobile and more of her personality shines through. Although we are far from scheduled, Lucy does regularly wake between 8 and 9 and takes a two hour nap most mornings. Afternoons are shorter cat naps, which she now takes in her crib :) Lucy has become happier playing on her own ever since she discovered her toes! Just this week I walked in to check on her during a nap and she was wide awake with toes in hand. This development has also helped her to be able to flip from her back to her tummy, though she doesn't like it once she is over. In the car, Lucy holds her head up to see out of the window instead of laying back and relaxing.

Otis continues to be the only thing that can regularly get Lucy to belly laugh so we use him as often as possible. She is also very ticklish and squeals whenever we start tickling her or blowing on her belly. She is learning she has a voice and likes talking to us or squealing sometimes just to hear herself. She has also learned that whining gets our attention so sometimes she does this, even with a smile on her face. Ornery much? She also makes very funny faces while she is figuring out all the noises her mouth can make. At this point, Lucy loves to...

go on bike rides with Mommy and Daddy,

take a bath,

laugh at Otis, 

 play with her toes,

swim in the pool and go to story time at the library (ironic since she hates being read to!). Next week she has her four month check up so I will be sure to write about how that goes. Lucy continues to amaze and entertain us everyday. She also becomes more and more beautiful as we see the little girl she is turning into. We sure have our work cut out for us but love every moment of being her mommy and daddy. We love you Lucille!

One Week, One Year Ago

I have already put a lot of thought into this post. How to start, how much to include, how to get through it? You see, one year ago, this past week held both the worst day and one of the best days of my life. On July 3, my brother passed away at the age of 28, leaving a wife, four kids, and an extremely tight knit family behind. To say that we were devastated is an understatement. The only boy in a family of four children, my brother held the esteem of all of his sisters, as well as mom and dad. Brady was the neutral ground in a family high on emotion. He never picked sides, never argued with us, and was willing to play just about anything. He welcomed people into the family with no judgement and could not contain his excitement when he had plans with any one of us. His pride for his family was written all over him. His heart, definitely his heart, is his legacy. July 8, one day before his funeral, Jameson and I had come home from staying with mom and dad for a shower and to grab clothes. I began packing my things when suddenly my attention was drawn to that little cardboard box holding "the stick." I kept packing but for some reason could not stop looking back to it. I had had no inclination until that point that I was pregnant but for some reason felt that I needed to be sure. Warning Jameson not to come upstairs, I figured I was being ridiculous as I unwrapped the test and took a seat. Two minutes later my world was, for the second time that week, rocked to the core. I could hardly breathe when that faint, second pink line appeared. I immediately called for Jameson to be sure that I was not seeing things. After seeing the look on my face and verifying what I thought I had seen, we could only stare at each other, no words. Jameson started laughing as I quickly repeated "I dont think so, no, its not right." One quick trip to Walgreens and two tests later, we had three sets of double pink lines. I still doubted, but Jameson was certain from that first test that our family had started to grow. I now wonder if I truly doubted or was I trying to protect myself from the disappointment were it not? Needless to say, it was certain and Jameson and I both believe Brady had something to do with our surprise. Later as we were discussing names and had chosen Lucille as an option, I learned what her name meant; "Light." Nothing could alleviate the pain or repair the hole losing Brady has caused. But what learning about Lucille did do was provide hope, a light in the darkness of loss. It taught me to keep living, keep loving, and have the same pride in our family that Brady did. Lucille will never meet her Uncle Brady, something I have struggled to accept countless times throughout pregnancy and since her birth, but she will know him through the stories, pictures, and memories our family continues to cling to. As dad prayed on Thanksgiving last year, "Thank you God for the 28 years we got to have with Brady."

"'Til Then"

Please do not forget me friend

I have not died to you see,

I am simply moving on in Life,

The present must cease to be.

Please do not forget me friend

It is not my choice you know,

I have just outgrown this place

So now I have to go.

Please do not forget me friend

You've been my whole wide world you see,

You have taught me so very much

But now I must fly free.

Please do not forget me friend

As you also move on,

Please do not shed tears for me

Help each other to be strong.

Please do not forget me friend

For I know I cannot forget you,

Please help the pain of loss fade away

And show me the way that's true.

Please do not forget me friend

We all have our own part in Life you see,

You must go your way and I must go mine

For that is the way things are meant to be.

Please always keep my memory dear

Please do not forget me friend

And do not bid good-bye to me

Instead let's say "til then"



These are a few of our favorite things...

Lucy is a very loved and supported little girl (spoiled? no such thing) who wants for nothing. Toys, clothes, gadgets, books, you name it, she has 2. There are a few things, however, that have become favorite things that are used almost everyday. I wanted to make sure and record what made the list at the three month mark in her life as I know it will change drastically over the next few months and years. I also think it will be interesting to see what changes over the years as "new and improved" baby products come out. In no particular order...

1. Moby Wrap
         I knew I would want to have some sort of way to "wear my baby" so I did some research on the various options. I chose this wrap since it could hold newborns up to 35 pounds. Many of the others were for once the baby could hold their head up but I wanted to be able to use it as soon as possible. We put Lucy in my wrap when she was 3 days old for a walk and she has loved it ever since. It was especially nice when she was very little as we could put her in it and go out to dinner. She falls asleep as soon as she is in there and with a few adjustments I can even nurse her when were out. Now at 3 months, she likes to be able to face out and with the heat we figure the baby bjorn is cooler. Jameson will wear the bjorn so that's an added bonus but my preference is still for the moby wrap.

2. gDiapers/ Fuzzibunz
       Jameson and I decided to use cloth diapers while we were expecting Lucy for her comfort as well as financial and environmental reasons. I had read that cloth diapered babies were less likely to develop rashes and after feeling these things I couldn't imagine anything softer on her skin! When she was first born she was too tiny for the gdiapers we had bought so we used disposables for about three weeks. In just those first three weeks, we spent about $80 on diapers! Having received most of the gdiaper components at my shower (small diapers and all size inserts), I only needed to buy the medium and large size diapers which totalled about $175. An added bonus is we can use them for any babies to come. I also purchased the fuzzibunz diaper when they were on zulily one day. I ended up with 7 diapers for $70.  These are one pocket diapers so the entire diapers needs to be washed after use instead of just the insert with gdiapers.  I have asked Jameson for a clothes line to cut down on costs even more and for the "bleaching"  effect of the sun. All in all, we are very happy with both brands and washing hasn't been an issue at all.

3. Burt's Bees Shampoo and Body Wash
         We started using this shampoo on Otis before Lucy was born since bulldogs are known for having sensitive skin. We then decided to use it for Lucy so Otis would recognize the smell and hopefully welcome her when she was new. Now, we just love the smell and how gentle it is on her skin.

4. White Onesies

           Lucy wears these every night to sleep in. She gets hot in anything else. I don't mind at all since I think it is one of the most adorable things a baby can wear :)

5. Ralph Lauren Cashmere Blanket

         Jameson and I went shopping the day we found out we were having a little girl. The first stop was at Ralph Lauren where we found the softest, most luxurious, pink, cashmere blanket. Original price was $295 but because it was an outlet and I had an employee discount, it ended up much less. This was the blanket we wrapped Lucy in at the hospital and our favorite one to hold her in ever since. I am hoping to hand it down to her one day when she has her own little girl.

None of these things are absolutely necessary but they sure make things a little nicer for Lucy and us. I wonder what will make her "favorite things" list when she is 3 years instead of 3 months?

Our view on vaccines

This is the first post I have written that I have considered sharing with other people. I started this blog as a story book of sorts of our family for us to one day look back on and remember this special time in our lives. However, after all of the research I have put into this I thought other parents may find it helpful in determining what is best for their child. In an effort to be as educated as possible before Lucy's arrival, I did A LOT of reading. Pregnancy books, parenting books, breastfeeding books, books on baby sleeping and so on and so on. I began questioning what is routinely given to infants and children after the childbirth class Jameson and I attended. I wanted to know the reason for the eye treatment, Erythromycin, they give infants as well as the Hepatitis B and Vitamin K shots. After reading up on them, I chose to deny all of these for Lucy as the eye cream and Hepatitis B are given to protect the baby should the mother have a STD and the Vitamin K shot is responsible for rapid cell division which is important should the child have hemorrhaging from delivery, but rapid cell division is the problem in children who suffer from Leukemia. The shot introduces levels of the vitamin exponentially higher than that needed by the baby and can instead be taken orally by the mother if she plans to breastfeed. Unfortunately Lucy had a heart murmur when she was born and in case blood had to be drawn, she did receive the shot. I then decided to spend a lot of time researching vaccines. After hearing and reading so many varying opinions and realizing routine may not be what I want to base my decisions on, I decided to delve into the matter myself. While I am no doctor, I knew I could find unbiased information and develop my own educated opinions to then take to our pediatrician and finalize a vaccine schedule we were both comfortable with. Luckily, I had plenty of time to research on weekends while my husband and father in law were busy finishing the many house projects and refusing to let me help :) One of the best resources I found was Dr. Sears "Vaccine Book." I am a fan of Dr. Sears attachment parenting advice anyway (askdrsears.com) so I knew this would be a good start. While the book provided way more detailed information than I needed, I was able to pull out the pieces that would help to make our ultimate decisions. I have the luxury of having a pediatrician who encourages me to research and come to him with my findings for us to talk about. If anyone is on the eastern shore, I strongly recommend Dr. Freddy Araujo! The other side of this is that if everyone stopped vaccinating their children against the diseases than we would have epidemics again. Luckily, I only have to look out for the best interest of my own child, not all the children as our doctors and pediatricians do. Ultimately, it is up to each parent to decide what is best for their child in their unique circumstance. I only hope to share what I have found in my research to encourage other parents to really understand what they are giving their children. Below I have listed the currently recommended vaccines by the American Association of Pediatrics and my findings on each of them. This is more for my own reference whenever we decide to have baby #2 (and 3 :) ) so sorry to bore you but here we go...

• HIB
• Less than 25 cases per year in kids under 5
• Most serious result if not vaccinated is meningitis
• Breastfed babies not attending daycare are at an extremely low risk
• Not whole cell or live virus vaccine; lowest risk of side effects
• If yes to vaccine, aluminum free version
• Pentacel combines the HIB, DTaP, and Polio vaccine in one shot
• Comvax combines HIB and Hepatitis B with a lower aluminum content than Pentacel
• My decision was not to include this in Lucy's schedule but our pediatrician strongly encouraged it because of the threat of meningitis so I am still researching and debating on this
• PC- Pneumococcal Disease
• Ten thousand serious cases a year
• Most serious result is not vaccinated is meningitis blood infection or pneumonia
• Not whole cell or live virus
• Prevnar vaccine contains aluminum
• My decision was to include this vaccine. However, these will be administered at "shot only" visits at 3, 5, 7, and 15 months so she will not receive more than one vaccine at any one visit.
• DTaP- Diptheria, Tetanus, and Pertussis/Whooping Cough
• Diptheria has no more than 5 cases a year in children; Tetanus has 50-100 in adults with maybe 1 in children; Pertussis is seen in 10k-25k children under the age of 6 months
• Serious side effects are from the Tetanus strain because of the modified tetanus toxin in the vaccine
• If yes, only the Daptacel vaccine because it contains no animal tissue.
• I decided to include this one because of Pertussis. Ideally, these would be individual vaccines so I could eliminate the Diptheria and postpone the Tetanus but in order to get the Pertussis she has to get them all. These will be administered at 2, 4, 6, and 18 months and again at 4 years. Most times this is given at the same time as PC which is why we do the shot only visits.
• Hepatitis B
• This is routinely given at birth but I denied it at the hospital since I am not a carrier and she will not be receiving it as an infant at all.
• Rotavirus
• If caught, will cause severe diarrhea and possible dehydration with chance of hospitalization.
• Whole, live cell virus cultivated in monkey kidney cells
• Vaccine gives babies a mild form of the infection to build up antibodies.
• Most likely to be spread in daycares
• High rate of seizures post vaccine.
• I did not want Lucy to get this vaccine and our pediatrician agreed not to include it.
• Polio
• No cases since 1985 when there was one
• Vaccine is an inactive, whole virus grown in a culture of monkey kidney cells injected with calf blood serum.
• I have decided not to include this vaccine because of the controversial ingredients listed above and the fact that it is no longer a concern in our society.
• MMR- Measles, Mumps, Rubella
• There are 50-100 cases of measles reported per year; 250 cases of mumps
• 1 in 20 children who receive the vaccine will have side effects of aches, fevers, and rash within two weeks of the injection
• Vaccine is cultured in chicken embryo cells with fetal cow serum and human proteins
• The complications from the virus are the same as the potential side effects.
• Some doctors find the combined MMR vaccine increase the risk of autism versus individual vaccines
• Ideally this too would be individual as I would prefer to only vaccinate against Rubella during infancy and postpone the Mumps vaccine since Mumps are more serious in teens and adults. Rubella is given to protect pregnant women who, if exposed, could lose the fetus.
• During my research these were available as individual vaccines but have since been returned to one. Dr. Sears as well as the AAP does not advise the vaccine until 12 months.
• Varicella Vaccine- Chickenpox
• The vaccine contains trace amounts of MSG and is cultured in cow fetus serum
• Reaction to vaccine and the complications of chickenpox are very similar
• This is not recommended until 12-15 months by the AAP and not until 18 months by Dr. Sears but as of now I would not include this in her schedule.

So far Lucy has received one shot and is scheduled for her next in one week. I will continue to keep an eye on ongoing research of vaccines should things change. Happy researching parents!

Mommy's first three months

Lucille,
  While I have written to you about your changes, growth, and accomplishments over the last 12 weeks, I feel it is equally important for you to know how you have made your mommy change, grow, and accomplish. My life instantly changed the moment I found out about you so you will never know the person I was before you. In some ways I think it is better that way. The lessons you have taught me through your own life have shaped me into the woman I have always wanted to be and I continue to develop that person as your needs of me grow and change. I find it incredible that the same qualities you are developing in me are the ones I hope to instill in you. While I have always wanted to be your mommy since I was a little girl, having you here with me now is more fulfilling than I could ever have imagined. It seems I have spent my life working towards you but I now realize my work is just beginning.
   Patience- I had never been one to enjoy the waiting period for anything. I graduated college in three years because I figured if I could handle the course load, why wait and waste time. Before college was over I had a full time job with polo. I also had the man I knew I wanted to marry and have children with and made this known to him frequently. Sure enough, four months after graduating daddy and I were engaged. Also at this point we put an offer in on our first home. We worked on our house throughout our engagement and ten months later we were married. Having always wanted a big family, I knew that it wouldn't be long until we started on ours. Little did we know how not long it would be when nine months into marriage we found out we were expecting you! What most people spend their entire twenties working on, I managed to do it in about 3 years. My lack of patience started to change during my pregnancy with you. I loved knowing you were in my belly, growing both your own body and mine. As anxious as we were to meet you, I loved every minute of having you with me and was in no rush to lose that bond with you. The moment you were born, I wanted to freeze life and stay in that moment with you on my chest and daddy by my side.

 But how quickly things changed and I find myself clinging to everyday, wanting time to slow down, no longer rushing towards what's next. I hope you find this same patience early in your life. I will always encourage you to work towards the future while also showing you the joy of being a child, a teenager, a newlywed, and one day a mom.
  Peace- Along the same lines as my lack of patience was my inability to sit still. Much to daddy's dismay, mommy was never one to take naps and rarely could I relax. Not until I was newly pregnant with you did I understand the allure of a midday nap. Come second semester and that allure completely disappeared while we worked to prepare for your arrival. Daddy says that's what you don't like to sit still, because mommy never did when I was pregnant with you. Since your birth, however, I have sat in one spot for hours on several occasions, watching you sleep, nurse, learn my face. These moments when I see the peace in you, I am able to replicate it in myself. Suddenly not having everything crossed off my to do list at the end of the day usually means not that nothing was accomplished, but that you and I had an exceptionally peaceful day.
   Strength- Never did I realize the strength of my own body or spirit as when I delivered you. I am not one to handle pain very well, as your daddy and grandmother would be the first to tell you. I had not wanted to use any sort of pain medication during labor and delivery but always questioned whether I would be able to handle the pain but I also didn't want the effects of the drugs getting to you. When the moment came, however, the strength of my desire to protect you overruled the pain and I was able to deliver you without medicine. You taught me the strength behind my convictions for you and the physical strength I possess to do the same for your brothers and sisters one day.
   Judgement- Just as many people as there are in the world are opinions on how to raise your child. While I have very strong opinions on the matter, I have learned not to judge others as they could judge mine. Daddy and I are doing the best we know how to raise you to be healthy, content, confident, and respectful but know that our ways do not work for everyone and that in the future, we may see what we should have done differently. Thank you for showing me to listen to other's opinions and accept suggestions from people who raise their children both similarly and differently than we are raising you.
   Thankfulness- You are the greatest gift I have ever been given and from the day I found out about you I thanked God. While of course I am thankful for the big things, that you are healthy, beautiful, and developing on track, I am also thankful for the little things that each day brings. I am thankful that I was able to stop working and stay home with you. I am thankful I am able to nurse you. I am thankful when you take a nap ;) I am thankful for the times Daddy and I have together with you and being the first ones to see each new trick you learn. I am thankful you know our faces and that we are able to provide you with what you need. Mostly, I am thankful you were given to me and I will never take for granted the miracle you are and the gift of motherhood. You have also taught me to be thankful for my own parents as I now realize what they went through in raising me and your aunts and uncle.
   Selflessness- Putting someone before myself never came as easily as when I was pregnant with you. No longer were my actions only my own but they now had a direct impact on you. I was happy to stop drinking wine, watch what I eat and lose any sort of figure I had because I knew it was all for you. Even now, as I lose sleep and gain curves I know it is for you and for that I do not complain. Labor and then nursing you may have been the biggest lesson in ignoring my own pain and doing what I knew was best for you. I am sure the sacrifices will continue and become harder to accept, but for now I gladly put myself second to your needs.
   I hope you realize the impact you have already had on my life and that you are my greatest accomplishment. I look forward to watching us both grow and change as you become the person you are meant to be. I love you Lucille.